We on Award Tour: Big in 2006 Nominations

Yeah we havn’t even reached November yet, but that hasn’t stopped media outlet’s from trying to be the first to get out their Year End Wrap Out. I wouldn’t be surprised that within five years someone will be doing their Year End Extravaganza in August. But anyways. The first to reminisce about the year that was is VH1 that recently opened it’s voting for the Big in 06 Awards, click the link to vote yourself and much like the mid term elections next year, be sure to vote early, vote often., but don’t vote for the incumbents. The Big show will air December 3rd and be hosted by D.L. Hughley of the hopefully not canceled Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip who did a great job hosting the show a couple years back during the Paris Hilton sex tape era. No performers have been announced yet buy if there are any VH1 executives that are reading this, you must do everything in your power to make sure a “Weird Al” Yankovic / Chamillionaire duet happens.And now this years nominees as well as who I voted for in italics:


Big Entertainer
YouTube
Dane Cook
Jessica Simpson
Steve Carell
Johnny Depp

Gee, it looks like someone has a vested interest in the DVD sales of Employee of the Month. Way to honor Cook long after no one finds him funny anymore. And since when does two movie flops and dismal sales of an album make you a Big Entertainer? Two spots that could have went to Gnarls Barkley. Personally my vote is based on who took up the most of my time in 2006 and that was easily YouTube.


Big Reality Star

No nominees just yet. Right now you can nominate your favorite. I nominated Casey from the Real World/Road Rules Challenges: Fresh Meat/The Duel. Casey is easily the most entertaining reality star that MTV has produced in years. From fights the fights with her partner Wes, to making it to the finals without any physical attributes. Then coming back for The Duel admitting she spent her prize money on a new set of breasts. The final four will be announced November 14th and you can vote on them then. And here is who would fill out my top four: Flavor Flav (Flavor of Love), Josh (Beauty and the Geek), and Danielle’s Breasts (Survivor: Exile Island).


Big TV Star
John Stewart
Ellen Degeneres
Patrick Dempsey
Keifer Sutherland

Who would have thought back in the late eighties that twenty years later that the dudes from Can’t Buy Me Love and The Lost Boys would be nominated for this award. Granted I don’t watch either show, so I’ll go with who used to have a talk show on MTV. And where is Earl Hickey?


Big Musical Artist
Justin Timberlake
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Pussycat Dolls
Shakira

No Gnarls Barkley, no, Fray, no Christina Aguilera, no Killers, no “Weird Al” yet the Pussycat Dolls get nominated. It’s official, 2006 sucked.


Big Download
Jump in My Car - David Hasselhoff
London Bridge - Fergie
White and Nerdy - “Weird Al” Yankovic
Here it Goes Again - OK Go
What’s a Date - Lonely Girl Fifteen

This is an odd category because most of these were YouTube phenomenon and you can’t actually download those videos. But I’m just knick picking. If we are going by number of YouTube views though, then OK Go should win by a landslide, but nothing beats “Weird Al” in entertainment value.


Big Mama
Madonna
Britany Spears
Katie Holmes
Brooke Shields

Yeah, this is a pretty lame category. And you can tell that the nominees were chosen in the short span between when Madonna adopted her African baby and when the father wanted the boy back.


Big Breakthrough
The Cast of High School Musical
Jamie Pressly
Steven Colbert
Sasha Baron Cohen

It looks like VH1 also has vested interest in the Borat movie by putting Cohen in the category before he even broke threw. And not to sound like a broken record but where is Gnarls Barkley. When VH1 does I Love the 00’s you know Crazy will get plenty of screen time for the 2006 episode. But of the nominees you have to go with Pressley because after staring in cinematic gems like Poison Ivy 3 and the Jerry Springer movie, she somehow became the most entertain part of the funniest show on television.

Big Comeback
Rosie O'Donnell
Al Gore
David Hasselhoff
Howie Mandel
New Orleans Saints

Much like Madonna not getting her African baby, the Saints got spanked in New Orleans shortly after the nominees were announced. Yet another reason not to do your best of the year thing before Halloween. But I voted for them just because the other nominees are iffy with two coming back via a reality show and a game show. And how can Rosie be considered a comeback when she went from her own talk show to sharing time with the chick from Survivor and two other blowhards. Maybe I should vote for Gore because the last time I didn’t vote fore him bad things happens.


Hot It Girl
Katherine Heigl
Katharine McPhee
America Ferrera
Vanessa Minnillo

Four chicks from four shows I avoid like the plague. Let’s see here, one stared in a movie that not only did no one see, I don’t must people have even heard of it (Side Effects anyone? And did anyone see the Ringer while I’m at it?) another can pull off ugly way too easy (remember the nerdy version of Rachel Lee Cook in She’s All That was stilly pretty hittable), and one has Nick Lashey stench on her. And I don’t really follow the karaoke circuit, but didn’t the last one lose? And not only lost but lost to a dude even older than me? I went with Minnillo just because she the one I’d most want to have dirty, dirty sex with which says a lot considering the whole Lashey thing. Seriously where’s Scarlett Johansson, Evangeline Lilly and Kristen Bell, can’t we resurrect Rachel McAdams career for this please. I’d even take the chicks from High School Musical or Cassie over these girls.


Big Outlaw
Paris Hilton (DUI)
Willie Nelson (Drug Possession)
Mel Gibson (DUI)
Dick Chaney (Shot Dude in the Face)

Another reason why the awards are too soon in the year, they missed Snoop Dogg’s double whammy of drug and weapon charges on two separate occasions at an airport. Despite being the only one on the list that wasn’t actually charged, I went with Cheney solely in the hope that he shows up to accept the award and inadvertently shooting Hilton in the face.


Big Power Couple
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
Beyoncé and Jay-Z

Another lame award. I just went for the boys again just to see the acceptance speech which could be interrupted by Jake Gyllenhaal who was jealous that he wasn’t nominated with them.


Big Shocker
North Korea Tests a Nuke
Mark Foley Gets Caught
John Mark Carr Confesses
Bill Clinton Losses His Cool

It is well known that Kim Jong Il love Hollywood so if you tell him Clint Eastwood id there, he may just show up to accept the award so that why I voted for him. And if he doesn’t show you have the potential for the Kim Jong Il marionette from Team America to accept the award; either way this could be the most entertaining part of the whole show.