Saturday, February 10, 2007

I Have Had it with These Mother(Expletive Deleted) Snakes on This Mother(Expletive Deleted) Plane

Snakes on a Plane

Much has been made about the power of the internet in terms of marketing but the medium seems to cut down the people that they just built up. Howard Dean used to internet to became the front runner for the Democratic nominee until his scream became one of the first hit videos on YouTube. Recently Rolling Stone featured an article on how bloggers quickly turned on bands they just called the next big things like the Arctic Moneys and Cold War Kids. No one had a bigger build up or bigger fall than the movie Snakes on a Plane.

The internets went into full buzz mode when word broke on that New Line was putting into production a film with the working title Snakes on a Plane with Samuel L. Jackson as the lead. Websites popped up, tribute movies were uploaded to YouTube, New Line even went back and re-shot some scenes to include the infamous Jackson line after it appeared in a online comic book a fan made, and the movie may have become the very first cult to be one before it was actually released. Then the reviews started to come in and the general public turned on the movie which had a disappointing opening weekend.

The movie follows Jackson as an FBI agent who is in charge of transporting a witness to a murder from Hawaii to testify against the gangster who did it in Los Angeles. Needless to say the gangster doesn’t want the dude to testify so he had hundred of poisonous snakes released on the plane. Being a commercial flight, the plane onto which the snakes are released is full of your token stereotypes filled with C-Listers who you most likely would recognize even though you wouldn’t recognize their actual name. The only other name besides Jackson one would know is Julianna Margulies, who after this must really regret leaving ER, as a stewardess who just so happens to be on her last flight as she just passed the bar and is leaving to become a lawyer.

The rest of the cast is filled out by the chick from Clueless (the show not the movie) as the socialite complete with miniature dog, the dude from Homeboys in Outer Space as the rapper who happens to a germaphobe. One of his bodyguards is video game obsessed and played by the current token black dude for Saturday Night Live. The token hot chick from The New Guy is your flirty stewardess while Todd Packer from The Office is your horny pilot. On the ground, the dude from High Fidelity not named John Cusack or Jack Black is the snake expert who races to find anti-venom to treat the survivor when, or if, they reach LA. And poor Tim Riggins, he was the first to go, but at least he did so while joining the Mile High Club.

And of course with that as your movie, the bad reviews came pouring in which I never understood. What were all those people expecting, the Citizen Kane of disaster movies? The movie is called Snakes on a Plane, you should know from the title if you are going to like it or not. But for those of us who sat back and took the movie for what it was thoroughly enjoyable. In fact, I’m not sure if it was the intent, but Snakes on a Plane was one of the funniest movies in recent memories thanks in part to one of the most improbable ending of all time. Now is it too early to get some early buzz on the hopeful sequel, Snakes on a Boat, Snakes on a Train, and/or Snakes on a Spaceship?

Snakes on a Plane gets a Terror Alert Level: Severe [RED] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Friday, February 09, 2007

First Impressions: Survivor: Fiji

The bloated cast of Survivor: FijiBack for its fourteenth go around, Survivor remains a water cooler event even if people around the water cooler spend more time talking about how the show isn’t as good as past seasons. Even last season’s much hyped Race Wars theme lost some of allure after breaking up the racial groups two episodes in. For this season, set in Fiji, even though the cast isn’t divided up by race again this season it remains just as diverse as the last. The biggest surprise this season is the show is taking a page out of the Flavor of Love playbook with ridiculous nicknames including Dreamz (yes with a “Z”), Boo, Rocky, Mookie, and Yau Man (actually the last two may actually be their real names.

Okay, maybe the whole one team lives in the lap of luxury while the other has to get by with nothing may be the bigger surprise had the exact same thing was the exact same twist on executive producers other realty show, The Apprentice this season. I wonder if tribe will switch camps depending on who wins the reward challenge or if each tribe is stuck like this until a merge. Another twist in the game this season is that there are not one, but two hidden immunity idols. Maybe with more of them this season, one will actually get played unlike the last two.

Cue up It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday for Jessica deBenAs mentioned in the intro, despite people still tuning in, the show has lost its luster and I think I may have pinpointed the reason. As with most reality shows, Survivor lives and dies with its casting, but two things have happened with the show in recent years that combined hurt the show. Even though Survivor does a great job of casting as there is usually a villain and someone to cheer for in every season, but in recent years they have added way too many people with the last couple seasons having twenty constants instead of sixteen like the early years (only nineteen this season as one dropped out just hours before shooting). Couple that with the show no longer having extended premieres like they used to going ninety to two hours before voting anyone off making it harder for us to meet the new cast thus it takes longer for personalities to emerge. And while on the subject of casting, the show did a horrible recruiting any token hot chicks this season. Add to that one of the few serviceable girls were voted off first.

But anyways, here are some predictions

Most Interesting Day Job: Expert Witness Locator
Will be Most Loved: Yau-Man Chan
Will be Most Hated: Andria "Dreamz" Herd
Most Likely to Quit: Well the chick that already did
Most Likely to Hook Up: Mookie Lee and Stacy Kimball
Most Likely to be Stuck on Exile Island the Most: James "Rocky" Reid
Girl whom I still have dirty, dirty sex with even if she hadn’t showered for a month: Michelle Yi
Next to be voted off: Gary Stritesky
Winner: Earl Hickey Cole

Verdict: Much like a crack addict, I just can’t stop. Stream the latest episodes of Survivor: Fiji over at Innertube or download them on iTunes.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 7

After three months, Lost finally came back and before the show I could care less. And a lot has changed to Wednesday since the show was last seen two. After the Fall Finale, there wasn’t anything worth watching on the day, but now it is almost as crowded as Mondays and Thursdays with Friday Night Lights moving there, Beauty and the Geek returning (although it ends next week), and the debut of the hilarious Let’s Rob Mick Jagger also known as Knights of Prosperity. And not only is Lost back, it is sadly at a new time because once again ABC and the show thought people lost viewers in the second season because it was up against karaokers not because it just wasn’t as good, same with the lame excuse that reruns were hurting the show’s creativity. But after last night’s episode, which was season one good, I’m back on board… for now. And since they were both on last night, it time for the first Toss Up of the year against Veronica Mars:

Disturbing Pregnancy
Lost: Juliet impregnated a male rat
Veronica Mars: Dick may have been the father of Bonnie’s baby
Winner: Lost

Case of the Ex
Lost: Juliet is caught stealing by her ex-husband while he was hooking up with the new “lab assistant”
Veronica Mars: Dick had to learn that his best friend hooked up with his ex-girlriend from Ronnie
Winner: Veronica Mars

Who has the worst hair style:  Madison...Bad Hair Day
Lost: Juliet in the past
Veronica Mars: Madison in the present
Winner: Lost

Lost: All the original Losties but Jack, Kate, and Sawyer
Veronica Mars: Everyone except those with the last names Mars or Navarro.
Winner: Lost

Love Quadrangle
Lost: Sawyer, Kate, Jack, Juliet
Veronica Mars: Ronnie, Logan, Madison, Dick
Winner: Veronica Mars

Breaking In
Lost: Kate, Sawyer, and Alex broke into the facility to get Alex’s boyfriend
Veronica Mars: Ronnie broke in to Not-Lucky’s office to see his browser history
Winner: Lost

... or JulietCaught on Film
Lost: Juliet found the trio when they showed up on the video monitor
Veronica Mars: The church people caught Ronnie coming out of the clinic
Winner: Lost

Lost: Just your run of the mill ads
Veronica Mars: If you were in a certain area, you may have seen the marriage proposal that was supposed to run during the Super Bowl as Veronica Mars was the chick’s favorite show
Winner: Veronica Mars

On the Inside
Lost: Ben used to have a tumor
Veronica Mars: Dick may have a wadded up Maxim magazine where his heart should be
Winner: Veronica Mars

Lost: Ben is Alex’s dad
Veronica Mars: Ronnie ended up not having Madison’s car cubed
Winner: Lost

On the Internet
Lost: You can see the latest episode over at or download Not in Portland over at iTunes
Veronica Mars: You can see the latest episode at or download There’s Got to Be a Morning After Pill at iTunes

So Lost is back with a vengeance but there may be something that the two best episodes in this short season focused solely on the Other’s camp. And much like the season premiere, this episode started off with a Juliet flashback with the big shocker that Ethan was in it, and the bigger shock, they were both in Miami. And the even bigger shocker, she impregnated a dude rat. We also learn that Juliet may not have willingly stayed on the island, which is of course why she may have wanted Not-Henry dead. No there is how you do a flashback on Lost.

Not Henry's daughter?But the biggest shock of them all came when we learn that Not-Henry was Alex’s dad, or at least that is what he is referred to. If Not-Henry is really her biological father, Lost has a lot of explaining to do because Rousseau didn’t recognize him when she caught her in her next last season. My working theory is Not-Henry steals young kids because he can’t have then himself so he steals them and raises them as his own and brought in Juliet to help create his own (but hopefully not to impregnate himself, but in another woman).

No impregnated dudes on Veronica Mars this week but the thought of daddy Dick is almost as disturbing. Didn’t Ronnie tell those two to make sure to use protection? Somewhat of a down episode as I could care less about Bonnie or Not-Lucky (I have a feeling that he will find out Ronnie was in his office) and the roommate turning out to be the culprit seemed like a stretch. Plus I don’t like Ronnie turning soft at the end, starting to forgive Madison. Hopefully that wasn’t the start of Vee beginning to forgive Logan because the show is much better when they are at odds.

Dick and Ronnie together againCase in point, the banter between Ronnie and her nemesis Dick again was the best part of the episode. I loved when Vee just randomly blurted out the Logan and Madison hookup just to hurt him and Dick suggesting he would be Ronnie’s rebound leading to the best line of the night, “Look, if we’re not going to have an empty sexual encounter I kind of have stuff to do, sooo…” I was also glad to see the dude from 21 Jump Street back if only because he was my initial lead suspect in the Dean O’Dell case.

Next week on Lost unfortunately we get back to the main camp with a Desmond-centric episode. Keep in mind the last one was the first and only episode where we saw something off the island that wasn’t a flashback.

Veronica Mars actually had a promo that didn’t suck as there was no hint of relationship stuff in site. The show looks like it will be in fine form next week and for those that don’t mind spoilers, you definitely want to head over to to see a Director’s Cut scene from the episode that has a shocking surprise from Dick.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I Want This to Be Over, I So Want This to Be Through

Katharine McPhee - Katharine McPhee

After the debacle that was the Bo Bice album, I had sworn off karaoke rejects. Seriously, if you don’t win, you should be forced back to your job at Kinko’s, America doesn’t want you. And it’s not even as if some of the winners were much better, latest seen with the bland Taylor Hicks album. But Katharine McPhee was nice enough to send me a Christmas gift and since fit the mold of the former karaoker that sucked the least, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, I though I give her self titled album a listen. All three have that girl next door quality but the biggest difference of course is that McPhee lost, and not only did she lose, she lost to the weakest Karaoke winner of them all. Which could explain why Clarkson’s and Underwood’s first album covers played up that girl next door sweetness and McPhee had to go straight to the streetwalker getup with the spread legs. And what is up with the Cher-hair circa the late eighties?

Luckily for McPhee this review isn’t about fashion, but the music. The album itself starts of strong with the cheery Love Story which has that old time block party feel to it and has just the right amount of horns and bongos to it and the back up singers really help the sing along melody. That’s followed up by Over It that sounds like something from a young female sponsored by the Disney Channel in that it catchy in a good cheesy kind of way but at the end of the day it’s the most disposable of all disposable pop. In fact the whole album could easily be mistaken for a Disney album for the High School Musical set with its girl anthems and puppy love songs that never cross the line over PG-13 over watered down hip hop beats.

And those girls are laughable at best with Open Toes quite possible being the dumbest song ever written. It’s disturbing that it took six people, McPhee included, to write an ode to a girl’s favorite type of shoes. And just to clear up a line in the song where McPhee declares, “Cuz I know them boys, they like those open toes.” Um no, no we don’t. You could wear clogs for all we care because most dudes’ eyes don’t bother to look down that far. Dangerous reminds me too much of Nell Furtado’s Maneater, and that is not a good thing. Do What You Do is a clumsy attempt at a club hit but if this were ever to come on in a club, you would see the longest lines at the bathrooms. Well unless maybe if it’s a Middle School dance.

McPhee is most likely at her best during the ballads but one can’t help to think how they could have sounded if they were recorded by other seasoned artist. Home is decent, but it could have been much better had Christina Aguilera got it first. Each Other sounds like vintage Mariah Carey (i.e. pre-Honey) but with McPhee it’s mediocre at best while Mariah would have made it a smash hit. McPhee tries to channel her inner-Whitney Houston on Ordinary World but just can’t pull it off grandeur the song should have at its climax. Neglected is a decent kiss off song, but in the pantheon of post karaoke kiss off songs, it is a distant third behind Since U Been Gone and Before He Cheats. And it is not a good sign when a singer is outshined by her backup singers like McPhee is on the song. But at the end of the day Katharine McPhee is actually the second best post-karaokers album I’ve heard. Take that how you will.

Song to Download - Love Story

Katharine McPhee gets a Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Apple iTunes

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

First Impressions: Rules of Engagement

Cast of Rules of Engagement in bedAs I stated in my Rules of Engagement Preview, I was torn on the show because it’s from the Happy Madison production company (as in Adam Sandler) but it stars David Spade who I can only take in small doses. The show centers around two couples with Spade as the third, um, I guess he would be the fifth wheel in this scenario. The show kicks off with an engagement which was done primarily because the boyfriend, Oliver Hudson (Goldie Hawn’s son) needed a place to stay and though what better time to propose than the night he moved in with his girlfriend, Bianca Kajlich (Rock Me Baby; you know, that sitcom with Dan Cortese. No? Um never mind then).

Patrick Warburton and Megyn PriceWith a new couple in her building, the wife in the older couple, Megyn Price (Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector) decides that her and her husband, Patrick Warburton (Emperor’s New Groove), need more couple friends, well on account that they didn’t have any previously, and hilarity ensues. No seriously, this isn’t an idiom, the show is funny at points, including Spade (also Emperor’s New Groove) who is Hudson’s old running buddy during his single days whereas Spade still enjoys the single life. And actually the best part of the first episode was the verbal jousting that Spade and Warburton had. In fact was pitch point in every delivery making some jokes that shouldn’t have been funny work. Granted he wasn’t quite Rockefeller Butts funny.

The weakest link on Rules of Engagement though is the younger couple. Hudson apparently inherited absolutely no comic timing from his mother because it was sometimes painful to watch when he tried to land what should have been a funny line. His television wife didn’t fare much better either. And yeah, it’s only been one episode, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to thing of Spade, is his character changing already? Is the nurse going to become a fixture? Just a weird ending with him in the episode.

Verdict: Even though I’m not the biggest Heroes supporter, Rules of Engagement won’t make me switch the channel to catch it. But it is definitely worth checking out on CBS’s Innertube where you can stream episodes with limited commercial interruptions.

In other TV news, Friday Night Lights finally hits iTunes today. And not only is now on iTunes, you can download the Pilot episode for free. So if you have yet to give the show a try, what better way to start than now where you can see it without commercials and without having to pay a cent for it. So click on the name to check the show out or just to watch it again.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Super Bowl Shuffle 2007

Before I get into the big show yesterday, and more importantly the commercials, let me first chastise Saturday Night Live for not resurrecting Da Bears. Even a crappy Da Bears skit would have been funnier than anything else that was on that show. Instead they resurrected another skit the Donnatella Versace Show and instead of bringing back George Wendt they brought back Horatio Sanz. Luckily Lily Allen saved the show otherwise it would have been a waste.

As for the game itself, I would again like to point out that I called the Indianapolis Colts over the Chicago Bears way back in September and was pretty close picking the actual score (I had 27-12 which isn’t that far from 29-17). So screw Miss Cleo, if you want to know what will happen next in your life call me, of course for a small fee. And I have to say that I much prefer the whole Super Bowl in inclement weather thing too, makes the game much more excited. In the first quarter alone there was three lost fumbles, two back to back, and an interception. The only bad thing about the weather was the one camera that was foggy all game, I though I was watching a cheesy dream sequence whenever they went to that camera.

But the Super Bowl is less about the actual game as the other bells and whistles throughout the game. It started off with some Cirque de Soleil stuff. Seriously, can we save this artistic crap for the opening ceremonies at the Olympics? Included in this performance was some dude named Louie Vega, At first I though it was Mambo King Lou Bega. The opening of the Kickoff Show is usually very well produced and this year was no different as the family segment definitely passed the Goosebumps test.

The Halftime Show starts off with the moron Shannon Sharp continually talking about what Chicago needed to do to get back in the game even though they were only down by two points. If you are within a touchdown you are, by definition, in the game. Luckily that ended soon and went to the second best Halftime Show ever (I still have U2 at number one). Seriously how better can it get that Prince singing Purple Rain in the rain? Yeah it could have been better had he sung more of his own songs as we really didn’t need to here his version of Best of Me. But interestingly enough the Foo Fighters recently covered Prince’s Darling Nikki. And even though he’s Born Again, Prince still seemed to get in a very phallic pose during the curtain segment. Miss the performance or like me and want to see it again, check out the videos below , well before YouTube will undoubtedly pulls it:

Now onto the most important part of the Super Bowl, the commercials. Much like recent year, none really stood out. Oddly not that many movies this year as Hollywood usually uses the Super Bowl to roll out its summer blockbusters. Then there was CBS that used about 70% of their ads to promote CSI and Survivor, their two most watched shows. Here’s something I never understand, why networks always promote shows that everyone already watches and not the ones that have low ratings? And I was shocked to learn the Shark is the most watched new show. But anyways. You can watch, and vote for your favorite over at YouTube but first here is the list of ads that flushed 2.5 million dollars down the drain:

1. Mapasaurus - some GPS
2. Car Machine Suicide - GM
3. Heart Under Attack -
4. Sheryl Crow - Revlon
5. Marketing Department -
6. Connectile Dysfunction - Sprint
7. Dudes Washing Car - Chevy

And now the best:

1. Robert Goulet - Emerald Nuts
2. Gay Kiss - Snickers
3. Rock Paper Scissors - Bud Light
4. Mouse - Blockbuster
5. Auction Wedding - Bud Light
6. Chad Johnson’s Party - Some Beer
7. Beard Combover - Sierra Mist Free
8. Survive the Workday -
9. Moon Office - Fed Ex
10. Car Crash - Doritos Old Dude - Coke
11. Truck Coming Together - Ford
12. Hitchhiker - Bud Light
13. Federline - Nationwide
14. Slap Replacing Hand Bump - Bud Light
15. Bank Robbery - E*Trade

Sunday, February 04, 2007

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. V

Quote of the Week: And then you frakked. (Ronnie, Veronica Mars)

Song of the Week: Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer (Played during Eugene’s homosex date, Knights of Prosperity)

Big News of the Week: The Grammy’s are nice enough to give their opening slot to a little known band called The Police. My sources tell me they will be huge.

Theme of the Week: Dudes lie even when they don’t have to. On Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip Tom would have been better off telling Lucy (who definitely cleaned up nicely at the award dinner) the truth, that he was forced on the date. On Friday Night Lights Julie seemed way more upset that Matt lied about the calendar than actually being in it. Even after Veronica Mars gave Logan a free pass he still chose to lie and there is a good chance that the lying will be the one thing she can’t get past. Of course the classic example reared its ugly head again when Clark didn’t tell Lana about his abilities.

Heroes: I try to avoid most spoilers, but casting news if one of the few spoilers I don’t mind but they really ruined this episode more than if they focused the whole episode on Nicki. First it was impossible not to know that Sulu would be Hiro’s father as they have hyped his appearance for over a month now so it was pretty obvious early on that he was the big boss. Also there was no drama in Claire trying to find her mother, the chick from Boston Public, because the preview from last week gave away that ending. At least the third big reveal did come as a shock as Sylar has recovered, although I don’t remember them ever explaining how he didn’t break out earlier when he killed Eden. You can check out this episode with commentary from Greg Grunberg (the cop) and Hayden Panettiere (the cheerleader) over at

Veronica Mars: One thing I forgot to mention during I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry is that why did they bring up the Mexico storyline again. I thought it assumed that the Lilth House did another of their fake rapes that night. Oh and exchanging Mandy Moore for the Aerie Girls: Upgrade. Check out the latest episode of Veronica Mars and Beauty and the Geek over at

Beauty and the Geek: There is just something wrong with the three least deserving beauties are the last three standing. I can actually feel my IQ drop whenever Megan (I’m a good screwer) or C.C. (Trashy not classy) open their mouths.

Let’s Rob Mick Jagger: With his longwinded suggestion on what to do if the homosex dude tried to kiss Eugene, Rockefeller Butts has vaulted over Parker and Landry as the best new character on television this season. Check out the latest episode over at

Friday Light Lights: How random was Julie hanging out with Tyra? The scene with them at Matt’s grandma, painting her toenails while listening to SexyBack was the most disturbingly entertaining scene of the week. Bonus points to the show for references the Old 97’s (even though Julie ended up not going to the concert). Check out the latest episode over at

Smallville: This show is at its best when it is campy and tongue in cheek about the Superman mythology and the first half of this episode was a great example of that. But then there was the shocker of an ending that Lana isn’t having a “normal” pregnancy that Lex isn’t telling her about. It is safe to say that the child won’t make it to see their first birthday, but I have a sinking suspicion that Lana won’t make it either.

My Name Is Earl: There was nothing funnier on television this week than Mr. Giggle-Belly. Nothing. On the other hand, the sex scene was the most disturbing of the week. Check out the latest episode over at

Promo of the Week: This is possible the funniest thing I see in a while (even funnier than Mr. Giggle-Belly) and watched it too man times since I saw it over at Give Me My Remote.

Pick of the Week: The Grammy’s Awards, 8:00 Sunday on CBS. Yeah, last year wasn’t really a good year for music, but this is by far the best award show of the year. This year you can expect performances by Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé, Mary J. Blige, the Dixie Chicks, Gnarls Barkley, Ludacris, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Carrie Underwood, and Justin Timberlake with some random chick plus John Legend, John Mayer, and Corinne Bailey Rae take the stage together. Oh yeah, and don’t be late because The Police reunion kicks off the show (had you asked me a month ago what three bands I wanted to see get back together I would have said The Police, Rage Against the Machine and the classic Van Halen lineup; so naturally it was a great week for me hearing all three were getting back together this week).