Showing posts with label American Karaoke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label American Karaoke. Show all posts

Monday, December 22, 2008

40 Worst Songs of 2008


A strange thing happened while compiling this year’s worst songs list: I actually had a hard time coming up with forty songs. Usually I can easily come up with a list off the top of my head. I am not sure if it was because there actually didn’t release as many bad songs as usual this year or if I was able to avoid them better this year. But in the end I was actually able to come up with the usual forty to signify the death of Top 40 radio. Here are the songs that made my ears bleed the last three hundred and sixty-five days. Wait, sixty-six, it was leap year. And don’t forget the extra second they are tacking onto the end of this year.

1. When I Grow Up - The Pussycat Dolls

2. Womanizer - Britney Spears

3. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry

4. Lollipop - Lil’ Wayne and Static Major

5. Damaged - Danity Kane

6. Higher - Heidi Montag

7. So What - P!nk

8. Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) - Ashlee Simpson

9. Official Girl - Cassie featuring Lil’ Wayne

10. Break the Ice - Britney Spears

11. 4 Minutes - Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland

12. Can't Believe It - T-Pain featuring Lil’ Wayne

13. Like Me - Girlicious

14. I'm So Paid - Akon, Lil’ Wayne, and Young Zeezy

15. In the Ayer - Flo Rida featuring will.i.am

16. Ur So Gay - Katy Perry

17. Something In Your Mouth - Nickelback

18. Single - New Kids on the Block featuring Ne-Yo

19. Spotlight - Jennifer Hudson

20. Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

21. Chopped N Skrewed - T-Pain featuring Ludacris

22. Nine In the Afternoon - Panic at the Disco

23. Handlebars - Flowbots

24. Feels Like Tonight - Daughtry

25. Got Money - Lil’ Wayne featuring T-Pain

26. Dangerous - Kardinal Offishall featuring Akon

27. Elevator - Flo Rider

28. What About Now - Daughtry

29. Circus - Britney Spears

30. One Step At a Time - Jordin Sparks

31. Summertime - New Kids on the Block

32. Over You - Daughtry

33. Love In This Club - Usher featuring Young Jeezy

34. Fly On the Wall - Miley Cyrus

35. Sorry - Buckcherry

36. Put On - Young Jeezy featuring Kanye West

37. The Time of My Life - David Cook

38. Falling Down - Scarlett Johansson

39. Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

40. Crush - David Archuleta

Monday, February 04, 2008

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XVIII


Win Dirt Season 1 DVDBefore I get into the best television had to offer last week, let me remind you that you still have a week to enter to win Dirt Season 1 on DVD starring Courteney Cox. Click the link or the banner to see how to enter.

Quote of the Week: I was thinking, you know, hit the museum, yoga, library for a bit. Then again I might just do the usge. You wanna get a beer? (Tim Riggins, Friday Night Lights)

Song of the Week: Faith - George Michael (Eli Stone, or at least I am assuming that the show featured the song from the ads. I haven’t watched it yet)

Big News of the Week: Worst Super Bowl Loss Ever: I have good news and bad news for Patriot fans. The ’85 team no longer has the worst lost in Super Bowl history. I never thought anything would be worst the huge blow out, The Fridge scoring on them, and even the back up QB calling out the team in the Super Bowl Shuffle. Of course the bad news is the ’07 Patriots replaced them. ’85 was just straight up embarrassed, with this loss the ’07 lost their perfect season in the last game, are no longer in the discussion for the best team ever or the best dynasty ever, Bill Belichicken losses his genius tag and to add insult to injury there is still Arlen Spector snooping around and the former filming technician for the team that says he has even more dirt on them that will taint the Super Bowls they did win pitting them in Big Head Barry territory. And one thing I didn’t learn today that need to be added to my post yesterday (see: Suck It Bill Belichicken) Billy again just showed again how classless he was by walking off the field with one second left. Now wonder he was so eager to trade for Randy “I take off plays when I want to” Moss who pulled the same classless move when he was in Minnesota.


Coalition Links of the Week:

Buzz suggested some books for fans missing their Gossip Girl, Brothers & Sisters, Heroes, and more. (BuzzSugar)

This week, Daemon's TV introduced their new regular feature, DVR (Daemon Video Recap), a fun video recap chipmunk-style of your favorite TV shows. (Daemon's TV)

Liz enjoyed a hefty dose of manufactured drama (with some crazy (expletive deleted), to boot) on the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. (Glowy Box)

Be it mere Sports Night nostalgia or something greater, Mikey is digging Thursday's session with In Treatment. (Mikey Likes TV)

Marcia explained why Supernatural is one of the most underrated shows on television. (Pop Vultures)

Feeling nostalgic, Rae recalled favorite childhood TV shows and moments from Buffy and Dawson's Creek among others with a TV meme. (RTVW)

Vance admits to liking guilty pleasures like the movie 27 Dresses, the new single by OneRepublic and the TV show Carpoolers. Yes, Vance is that one person watching that show. (Tapeworthy)

This week, Jace was all about Lost, with exclusive interviews with Matthew Fox, Josh Holloway, Elizabeth Mitchell, Michael Emerson, and Yunjin Kim, advance reviews, and morning-after analysis. (Televisionary)

TiFaux got naughty and kinky this week by offering up the Top Ten TV-Related Safe Words. (TiFaux)

Tube Talk celebrated the new season of Lost with a hilarious parody starring the Lost action figures. (Tube Talk)

Raoul found out the crazy things people say when they file complaints to the FCC about your favorite shows (TV Filter)

Thanks to some shameless in show advertising, the TV Addict deems NBC "Nothing But Commercials" (TheTVaddict.com)


Breaking Bad: I really do not get this show, this episode was even less entertaining than the first. I think one more episode may be my limit. Actually, was there a new episode yesterday that I missed?

American Karaoke: I inadvertently watched my first ever episode of the national karaoke championships ever this week. I was sitting in a room with two televisions Wednesday and I had just turned on the Republican Debates when the cleaning lady came in and turned the other television on American Karaoke and proceeded to turn up the volume up so loud I couldn’t hear the television I was sitting in front up. Yeah they is something ironic of seeing Ron Paul but hearing someone butcher Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting, but actually the show was somehow even worse than I ever thought it would be. Seriously, how can so many people be that obsessed with horrible singers butchering mediocre songs? It is obviously not because of the music because all the former karaoker are getting dropped from their record labels.

Super Tuesday Democratic Debate: Wow, was that boring. After the wrestling style smackdown in South Carolina, I expected much more. It was like two librarian debating. With that said, it was a really good week for me, Bill Belichicken lost he genius label, Rudy Giuliani dropped out of the race, and now all I need is for Hilary Clinton to get crushed tomorrow to complete the trifecta. For those that need any more reason not to vote for Clinton: she received an endorsement from biggest right wing nut job, and that says a lot, Ann Coulter (who Keith Olberman affectionately calls Coultergeist). Then on the far left of things, the most recent Rolling Stone (with Tom York on the cover) called Clinton the new Nixon. I wonder if that makes Bubba Spiro Agnew.

Also one thing that seemed to get lost last Wednesday with Giuliani and John Edwards dropping out, Arnold endorsing John McCain, the Republican debate, was that Ralph Nader launched an exploratory committee for a presidential launch.

Lost: Haven’t seen it yet. Maybe tonight unless I decide to watch and rewatch Welcome to the Captain.

Friday Night Lights: It says a lot that when I got home late on Friday and the one show I watched wasn’t the season premiere of Lost but Friday Night Lights. Even though I haven’t seen Lost yet, I bet I made the right decision because this week’s episode of FNL was better than anything Lost put on in its prime. So much to love from the hilarious (Matt trying to turn into Riggins, Landry, Matt, and Smash at lunch, Julie driving, Tyra and the alternative chick fighting over Landry) to heartbreaking (Mrs. Taylor missing her driving test, Smash losing his scholarship, Coach’s tough love with Matt). Check out the latest episodes over at NBC.com.

Super Bowl Commercials: One of the few years where the game was actually better than the commercials to the point I really don’t remember most of them, but here is my top five of those I did remember today:

1. Bill Frist and James Carville bond over Coke
2. Shaq as a jockey
3. Alice Cooper and Richard Simmons caught in the headlights
4. Charles Barkley harassing Dwayne Wayne
5. Lizards dancing to Thriller

Honorable mentions to the Adriana Lima one for obvious reasons and the trailer for Don’t Mess with the Zohan because you know anything written by Adam Sandler, Jude Apatow and Rober Smigle (who you may know better as the dude who’s hand is up Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s bottom) has to be classic.


Next Week’s Pick: Grammy Awards at 8:00 on CBS: Last week the writers guild gave the Grammy’s an exemption so luckily we will get to hear four month old Amy Winhouse jokes that they have been storing up since the strike began. Yeah. But the Grammy’s were, and will be about the music and this year expect performances by Alicia Keys, Feist, Brad Paisley, Beyoncé, Foo Fighters (with special guest conductor Led Zeppelin bassist John Paul Jones), Carrie Underwood as well as tributes to gospel and The Beatles. Need more reasons to watch? How about a performance by Rihanna. Now you may be thinking to yourself, “but Scooter I have seen her perform on the Movie Awards, VMA’s and countless other awards show last year, what makes this special?” Well how about that she will be backed by a reunited The Mother Frackin’ Time.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

40 Worst Songs of 2007


It seems as the years go by the music on the radio gets worse and worse thanks in part this year to karaokers, mom rockers, pseudo-punk rockers, and ringtone rappers that polluted the air worse than any Hummer. And can we please stop inviting Akon to sing on every song? In honor of the top 40 radio stations that have ruined radio here are the forty worst songs of the year even though I bet playlists are down to 25-30 songs these day.

Before I get into the worst of this year, I would like to make a special mention of Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) by Ahslee Simpson which is too new to make this list but has certainly set the bar pretty high (or low depending how you look at it) for the Worst Songs of 2008. But anyways. Feel free to leave the songs that really irritated you this year in the comment section and of course if you disagree with any of my selections, you have the power to influence the 9th Green Reader’s Favorite Songs of 2007 Poll:


1. This Is Why I’m Hot - Mims

2. Big Girl’s Don’t Cry (Personal) - Fergie

3. Piece of Me - Britney Spears

4. It’s Not Over - Daughtry

5. Straight to the Bank - 50 Cent

6. Let Me Talk to You (Prelude) / My Love - Justin Timberlake featuring T.I.

7. Lip Gloss - Lil’ Mama

8. Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin’) - T-Pain featuring Yung Joc

9. U and Ur Hand - P!nk

10. A Bay Bay - Hurricane Chris

11. I Don’t Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem) - Good Charlotte

12. Ayo Technology - 50 featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland

13. Home - Daughtry

14. Bartender - T-Pain featuring Akon

15. Whatever U Like - Nicole Scherzinger featuring T.I.

16. Gimme More - Britney Spears

17. Amusement Park - 50 Cent

18. Tattoo - Jordin Sparks

19. The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani featuring Akon

20. Glamorous - Fergie featuring Ludacris

21. I Get Money - 50 Cent

22. Chocolate Rain - Tay Zonday

23. Teenagers - My Chemical Romance

24. Crack That (Soulja Boy) - Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

25. Come to Me - Diddy featuring Nicole Scherzinger

26. Love Stoned / I Think She Knows Interlude - Justin Timberlake

27. Cloths Off!!! - Gym Class Heroes featuring Patrick Stump

28. Over You - Daughtry

29. Sorry, Blame it On Me - Akon

30. Grace Kelly - MIKA

31. Who Knew - P!nk

32. Summer Love - Justin Timberlake

33. Better Than Me - Hinder

34. Walk it Out - Unk

35. Wait for You - Elliot Yamin

36. Don’t Matter - Akon

37. Break Anotha - Blake Lewis

38. So Hott - Kid Rock

39. Get Me Bodied - Beyoncé

40. Don’t Waste Your Time - Kelly Clarkson

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Worst Albums of 2007


Since I have been completing my favorite songs of the year list for over a decade, thought out the years I hear five or songs and think, there a potential overall number one for this year. The thing is, this year not one song that came out that made me think that making me wonder if 2007 could be the worst year for music in my lifetime overtaking 1999. That was until I started compiling this list of the worst albums of the year and noticed that there were not that many bad albums. This year only two albums garnered the Low Terror Alert level compared with five last year (plus Paris Hilton who is still the only artist to get the elusive Terror Alert Black), and six the year before.

This could also be because there just seemed to be a lot less music period this year. Last year I reviewed about a hundred albums but this year just over fifty got reviewed. But looking over potential songs that will make the top 100 songs of the year, there does seem to be an overabundance of good songs, just not any great ones. In face, the fiftieth best song this year may be the best fiftieth song of all time. So I am ready to declare 2007 the Most Mediocre Year Ever.

With that said, there are a few albums that need to be noted for their unlistenablity. Here are the worst of the worst album that I reviewed in the past five months. If you are interested in reading my original review, click the link below the album, the album link goes to iTunes if you enjoy torture.


1. Blackout - Britney Spears
Musings from the Back 9: 90's Disposable Pop Edition

2. Curtis - 50 Cent
No More Platinum, I'm Wearing Gold

3. Jordin Sparks - Jordin Sparks
I Can't Waste Time so Give it a Moment

4. Underclass Hero - Sum 41
I'm a Voice to Offend

5. Shock Value - Timbaland
I've Been Killin em with These Beats

6. Katharine McPhee - Katharine McPhee
I Want This to Be Over, I So Want This to Be Through

7. Dignity - Hilary Duff
You Wanna Know Why I Look Sad and Lonely

8. Taking Chances - Céline Dion
I Had My Heart Beaten Down but I Always Come Back for More

9. Double Up - R. Kelly
Man, it’s Three’s Company, Call Me Jack Tripper

10. My December - Kelly Clarkson
You're Going Crazy, Running on Empty

11. Spider-Man 3 Soundtrack
Musings from the Back 9: Music Edition vol. V

12. Unbreakable - Backstreet Boys
Musings from the Back 9: 90's Disposable Pop Edition vol. II

13. Zeitgeist - Smashing Pumpkins
Despite All My Rage I am Still Just a Rat in a Cage

14. Good Girl Gone Bad - Rihanna
Now that it's Raining More than Ever

15. Infinity on High - Fall Out Boy
Long Live the Car Crash Hearts

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I Can’t Waste Time so Give it a Moment


Jordin Sparks - Jordin Sparks

For some reason I have been labeled as some American Idol basher. This is understandable in regards to the show itself which is just of mediocre singers singing crappy songs. Despite my hatred of the national karaoke night, I have gone into listening former karaokers alums with an open ear but rarely been impressed with America’s ability at picking the next great singer. Of course this has led to people calling me a music snob just because I don’t like the mom-rock of Daughtry even though they fail to point out both Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood both ranked multiple times on my Best Songs of 2006 list.

After the puzzling win of Taylor Hicks selection, America has gone back to anointing a young girl as their karaoke queen. But unlike Clarkson and Underwood who used their girl next door charm to vault them into superstardom, that will not be the case for Jordin Sparks and it really doesn’t come as a surprise that the Ugly Betty doppelganger is the product of a former defensive back. And one listen to her first single Tattoo leaves non-Karaoke watchers scratching asking themselves, seriously her? That’s the best they could do? The song is a blatant rip-off of Rihanna’s Umbrella complete with nonsensical metaphors and annoying over-intrusive production. But unlike Umbrella, which had a second life with sweet acoustic cover versions, don’t expect many lame YouTuber to upload their own versions or any semi-ironic covers from established artists.

What’s so bad about Jordin’s self titled album is that we already heard it earlier this year when fellow former karaoker Katherine McPhee released essentially the exact same album (see I Want this to Be Over, I So Want this to Be Through). Both albums are chalked full of your typical bland overproduced album we have heard over and over again for the last five years. Okay, at least there are no songs on Jordin’s album as horrible as Open Toes, but at least McPhee didn’t have Chris Brown, who is by far a better dancer than singer, on hers.

It is not surprising that the two best songs on the album, Now You Tell Me and Permanent Monday, are the only tracks that actually use real instrumentation instead of using drum machines and beats that no rapper would think of using. But on the other end of the spectrum there is the laughable God Loves Ugly. The song basically sounds as if the writer thought, “that Christina Aguilera song Beautiful is great, but what if I wrote a song with the same sentiment but not as touching, then give it to someone that doesn’t have the vocal power to express the message anyway.” Of course you can take this review with a grain of salt because as you know I’m just a music snob.

Song to Download - Now You Tell Me

Jordin Sparks gets a Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE] on my Terror Alert Scale.



Friday, November 02, 2007

I Want My Music Television vol. IX


There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Jena - John Mellencamp



The song and video from John Mellencamp is an obvious reaction to the mess going on down in Jena, Louisiana (and if you were left scratching your head to it please work in some MSNBC or Newsweek into you life). Yeah what happened down there is an injustice but people are making the Jena 6 look like martyrs. The thing is they should be in jail for what they did. People are looking at the case the wrong way, they shouldn’t be released from jail because the hillbillies that started it are not, it is the hillbillies should be in the next cell over.


Tattoo - Jordin Sparks



Do you ever get the feeling there is a huge joke going on and that no one has let you in on it yet? That is how I feel about American Karaoke and how Jordin Sparks actually won a singing competition (granted not as mind boggling as Taylor Hicks). Was everyone else actually worse than she is or was this some sort of vote for the worst thing? Either way how can people watch such bad singing twice a week for three months?


Teardrops on My Guitar - Taylor Swift



Heard this song by Taylor Swift on the radio this week and thought it was catchy. But I wasn’t surprised to learn that the chick that wrote it when she was like sixteen as it sounds like a sophomore poetry class. You’d think someone along the way would mention that the line, “wishing on a wishing star” was a little repetitive and maybe she should go with, wishing on a shooting star” instead. But since she is underage I would feel a little skeevy mentioning how bad her perm looks in the video. Nor will I mention how much better she looks in the video below. Nope, not gonna do it. I have no desired to run into Chris Hansen anytime soon.

Our Song - Taylor Swift



Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Here’s to You Hairbrush Singers and Dashboard Drummers


Carnival Ride - Carrie Underwood

Despite being a ratings juggernaut, American Karaoke has failed to launch that many careers after the karaokers have to start singing there own music. In six seasons only Kelly Clarkson has been able to produce two hit albums, although two may be her shelf life as her third album has bombed and her concert downgraded due to lack of sales. But on the bright side for Kelly, this moves her one step closer to hanging out with Topanga in the Surreal Life house.

Hoping to join her in the former karaoker two hit club is Carrie Underwood, whose first album Some Hearts (see my review: Oh, There’s Nothing Like Oklahoma) recently overtook Clarkson’s Breakaway as the highest selling post-karaoke album ever. But again, don’t feel too bad for Clarkson because she will soon get to bunk with Skee-Lo. And considering CMT recently devoted six straight hours of playing her new video for So Small, a second hit album is on the way.

Where the first album seemed to alternate between country and pop songs, the follow up Carnival Ride is a strictly honky-tonk affair. That is not a good thing because that means some of the country songs that you listen to and feel your IQ drop sneak onto the album in the form of filler. This no more evident than on The More Men I Meet where Carrie pontificates why the only male for her is one walks on all four and waves his tail. The worst of all though is when Carrie gets back to her karaoke roots with a cover of I Told You So by Randy Travis which would have been best left on the cutting room floor.

Then some of the better songs are just rehashes from the first album. So Small could have been called Jesus Take the Wheel part II with its religious themes. And if So Small is a sequel, then Last Name might very well be a prequel to Before He Cheats telling a tale of how the two met before the dude began to stray. But the problem with that Before He Cheats without the woman scorned angle just isn’t as entertaining with silly lines like, “It started out , ‘hey cutie where ya from?’ and turned into ‘oh no what have I’ve done?’” Maybe you should go back to singing Shania Karaoke.

That is not to say the album is completely lost, Carnival Ride starts off with banjo heavy Flat on the Floor, a ballroom brawler that is good as the Dixie Chicks at their angriest which includes the Led Zeppelin like, “Baby, baby, baby” line. Then there is the emotional roller coaster of Just a Dream seen through the eyes of a military wife at her husband’s funeral. And the powerful I Know You Won’t is the leading candidate of songs that the next batch of karaoker will fight over during Carrie Underwood night.

The highlight of the album though is the album closer Wheel of the World which not surprisingly is the least country song on the album. The song is a better written, lyrically and musically, version of So Small. Hopefully this is the direction Underwood takes for the third album or she just may be playing pool with the dude from My Two Dads not named Paul Reiser before Clarkson does.

Song to Download - Wheel of the World

Carnival Ride gets a Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW] on my Terror Alert Scale.




Carrie Underwood on iTunes


Friday, July 20, 2007

Record People Are Shady IX


Colbie Caillat free on iTunesWhen scouring the internet for yesterday’s Don’t Download These Videos I planned to show the video for Bubbly by newcomer Colbie Caillat to once again remind you that you can currently download this song for free on iTunes (well as long as the ad to the right still features her) but I couldn’t because, much like all their videos, the Universal Group has chosen the “Embedded Disable by Request.” I have never understood why anyone would utilize that function because it seems like people are saying, “I want you to check this out but please no free publicity.” If you ever check out YouTube’s most viewed videos for the day, if there is a fan loaded videos of the same music video it is always higher than those put up by UMG that don’t let you embed them. Well this is of course before UMG inevitably has YouTube remove the fan uploaded versions.

Of course I’m sure if you were to ask the record executives why they do this they go back to their usual defense is that doing so would hurt record sales. Yeah because I’m sure there are plenty of people out there that decided not to buy a song or record because a very low quality version of the video it is readily available on some dudes MySpace page. What is really bad is that it not at all hard to get around the “Embedded Disable by Request” thing. Granted I just choose not to do so with these music videos because I make a note not to piss off anyone who is litigation happy. So here is my plea to the UMG, please allow your videos to be embedded, not only will this not hurt your record sales; the more visibility of your music videos will undoubtedly increase sales.

Ms. Caillet’s video isn’t the only video recently that I haven’t been able to highlight because of the dreaded “Embedded Disable by Request” thing. High on the list is the video for Ryan Adam’s Halloweenhead that could have become a viral hit with quirky lyrics and old people dancing but lost that chance thanks to the similarly Walk it Out mash-up the floated around the web last week. UMG, you could have had that buzz with Halloweenhead, which came out earlier, but no on saw because people couldn’t be spread around the web because we couldn’t embed it.

Then there is the new Katharine McPhee song Love Story, which I declared the best song from her otherwise lackluster album. Again here is another song that has gotten zero buzz because UMG won’t let use feature it on out blogs. Granted I wanted to show this video so I could talk about how the further into obscurity McPhee falls, the less cloths she wear. Unfortunately she isn’t attractive enough to make the whole sex sells thing to work. Case in point, she is relegated to the cover of the third rate Men’s magazine Stuff the same month the sometimes moderately attractive Hilary Duff gets the cover of Maxim.

So for those of you that aren’t too lazy to click links here are the previously mentioned videos on YouTube that I am not allowed to embed:

Bubbly - Colbie Caillat (or download the Bubbly video on iTunes)

Halloweenhead (NSFW) - Ryan Adams (or download the Halloweenhead video on iTunes)

Love Story - Katharine McPhee (or download the Love Story video on iTunes)


On a completely unrelated not, to better understand you my audience, I have wanted to create a survey so I can make the 9th Green a better experience for all. As luck would have it, this past week Mike from Quibblo.com sent me an e-mail about his site that allows you to create surveys, polls, and quizzes. So I created a survey, The 9th Green Readers Poll, and if you subscribe to this blog or just stop by a couple times a month, please take a minute or two to fill it out and thanks to Mike for the heads up on his site.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

You’re Going Crazy, Running on Empty


My December - Kelly Clarkson

It hasn’t been a good month for Kelly Clarkson. First it was leaked that the president of her label, Clive Davis, hated her new album, My December, so much he wanted to her to scrape most of it and reportedly wanted to replace some of the song with ones that already appeared on Lindsay Lohan’s album, an album that bombed in its own right. Then during her dispute with her label, Clarkson dumped her management team. All the while her first single from the album, Never Again, failed to make a dent at radio thanks in part because there was a universal yawn from the general public even after she tucked her tail between her legs to perform the song on American Karaoke after publicly distancing herself from the show pretty much since the forgettable karaoke movie she stared in. But on the bright side Clarkson successfully convinced her label to push up the release date of the album about a month so her fans would know the songs before embarking on her tour. Granted that victory ended up being a little shallow considering her tour of arenas recently got canceled due to poor sales.

Upon hearing My December it is hard not to answer the question to who was right, Clarkson or Davis and Clive is the clear winner in that there are no marketable songs on the album although it still is much better than Lohan’s. Whereas Never Again was virtually ignored, there really isn’t much better here. Sober, with its slow crawling acoustic groove, really is the only song here worth the price of admission. But it still doesn’t even rank in the pantheon that hosts Kelly ten best songs thanks to her ruining ending with her incisive need to try to turn the song into to a power balled.

It is not coincidental that the best songs on the album are the slower songs like Sober, Be Still and the album closer Irvine because when she tries to rock out on the rest of the album the result range from Never Again where she fails to Judas where she fails miserably to Yeah which is laughable because it sounds like she is actually trying to recreate a Sly and the Family Stone song. Almost as laughable is the Euro-trash One Minute. And it may have been a good idea to have the hidden track Shivas, where it sounds as if she is trying to channel Leadbelly, stay hidden. By the end of the album you may want to take her advise to, “don’t waste you’re time on me.”

But what really brings down Never Again isn’t the music rather its lyrics, which much like the whole album was co-written by Clarkson. Since U Been Gone was a quirky kiss off of a failed relationship that could get anyone to sing along to in the car. Never Again is just a spiteful jagged little pill that not many people would want to swallow with Clarkson coming off as a vengeful ageing starling whose husband/boyfriend just upgraded to a younger model by wishing “the ring you gave to her turns her finger green.” She much not watch My Name Is Earl otherwise should would have though of the karma effects of the line, “it must suck to see my face everywhere.” But it may don on her when the dude is happy to see her face when she is reduced to bunking up with the Dude You’re Getting a Dell guy while Fred Durst leers on for the 2012 edition of The Surreal Life. Well of course that is only if she gets an invite considering Sanjiya may be the producers first pick to be their token reality star that season.

Song to Download - Sober

My December gets a Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE] on my Terror Alert Scale.



Friday, May 11, 2007

Don't Download These Videos vol. XVII


There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Extraordinary - Mandy Moore



When I first heard this song I liked it. It was breezy and soothing. With that said, this may be the cheesiest video of the year. Yeah I’ll take as many Mandy Moore’s as possible, but this whole tower of people is pretty lame, in a Third Eye Blind has already done it kind of way. Note to Mandy, if you are going for a new folksy sound, don’t make a big budget video that still looks cheap. Just go out to the local field with a dude and an acoustic guitar and look cute. That would have saved you a couple thousand dollars and would have been better on top of it.


Someone to Love - Fountains of Wayne



It is doubtful this is the song that will lift Fountains of Wayne out of the pantheon of One Hit Wonders and the video is certainly missing Rachel Hunter, but it is entertaining in a sad kind of way. Seriously, no one should be resigned to watching King of Queens along. Actually is that show still on. Is this another Will and Grace situation where a show is still around five years after I though it was canceled?


Hang Me Up to Dry - Cold War Kids



I can’t say I really liked this song at first listen but all the sudden it showed up on my iPod and I’m really starting to dig it now. Yeah the video as a movie trailer has already been done by My Chemical Romance, but they suck massively (much apologies to all the fourteen year old white girls who aren’t cool enough to be cheerleaders) and Cold War Kids did a much better job with the noir themed trailer. Speaking of noir, don’t forget to check out my contest where you can Win a Copy of Neptune Noir. Okay, end shameless plug.


Fallin’ for You - Eva Avila



Found this little gem over at Tapeworthy and apparently Eva Avila is Canada’s top karaoker. What does it say about are karaokers when they can only come up with one song better than the top Canadian karaoker and the best karaoker in all of New Zealand, James Morrison put out a much better album than any of ours have. But anyways. And not did Eva create a much superior song to any song not named Since U Been Gone, so is certainly more attractive to any of our karaokers, winners or losers. I don’t know what it is, but the mismatched socks are uber-cute.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I Want This to Be Over, I So Want This to Be Through


Katharine McPhee - Katharine McPhee

After the debacle that was the Bo Bice album, I had sworn off karaoke rejects. Seriously, if you don’t win, you should be forced back to your job at Kinko’s, America doesn’t want you. And it’s not even as if some of the winners were much better, latest seen with the bland Taylor Hicks album. But Katharine McPhee was nice enough to send me a Christmas gift and since fit the mold of the former karaoker that sucked the least, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, I though I give her self titled album a listen. All three have that girl next door quality but the biggest difference of course is that McPhee lost, and not only did she lose, she lost to the weakest Karaoke winner of them all. Which could explain why Clarkson’s and Underwood’s first album covers played up that girl next door sweetness and McPhee had to go straight to the streetwalker getup with the spread legs. And what is up with the Cher-hair circa the late eighties?

Luckily for McPhee this review isn’t about fashion, but the music. The album itself starts of strong with the cheery Love Story which has that old time block party feel to it and has just the right amount of horns and bongos to it and the back up singers really help the sing along melody. That’s followed up by Over It that sounds like something from a young female sponsored by the Disney Channel in that it catchy in a good cheesy kind of way but at the end of the day it’s the most disposable of all disposable pop. In fact the whole album could easily be mistaken for a Disney album for the High School Musical set with its girl anthems and puppy love songs that never cross the line over PG-13 over watered down hip hop beats.

And those girls are laughable at best with Open Toes quite possible being the dumbest song ever written. It’s disturbing that it took six people, McPhee included, to write an ode to a girl’s favorite type of shoes. And just to clear up a line in the song where McPhee declares, “Cuz I know them boys, they like those open toes.” Um no, no we don’t. You could wear clogs for all we care because most dudes’ eyes don’t bother to look down that far. Dangerous reminds me too much of Nell Furtado’s Maneater, and that is not a good thing. Do What You Do is a clumsy attempt at a club hit but if this were ever to come on in a club, you would see the longest lines at the bathrooms. Well unless maybe if it’s a Middle School dance.

McPhee is most likely at her best during the ballads but one can’t help to think how they could have sounded if they were recorded by other seasoned artist. Home is decent, but it could have been much better had Christina Aguilera got it first. Each Other sounds like vintage Mariah Carey (i.e. pre-Honey) but with McPhee it’s mediocre at best while Mariah would have made it a smash hit. McPhee tries to channel her inner-Whitney Houston on Ordinary World but just can’t pull it off grandeur the song should have at its climax. Neglected is a decent kiss off song, but in the pantheon of post karaoke kiss off songs, it is a distant third behind Since U Been Gone and Before He Cheats. And it is not a good sign when a singer is outshined by her backup singers like McPhee is on the song. But at the end of the day Katharine McPhee is actually the second best post-karaokers album I’ve heard. Take that how you will.

Song to Download - Love Story

Katharine McPhee gets a Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE] on my Terror Alert Scale.



Apple iTunes


Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Best of 2006 Redux


Some last thoughts and list of 2006. First looking back at this blog, here are the top five post of the past year by page views (a big thanks to MTV for rerunning the first two seasons of Beauty and the Geek that brought in about 100 searchers for each marathon it ran) :

1. First Impressions - Beauty and the Geek 2
2. Worst Albums of 2006
3. Her Face Is the Map of the World (KT Tunstall album review)
4. Oddsmakers: The Hearst Rapist
5. Worst Songs of 2006


One cool addition to iTunes this year was the ability to add your reviews to each album. Unfortunately there isn’t a minimum amount of word you must write as many reviews on the site are less than a sentence. But then there are people like me who write lengthy reviews for others to read and I copied the ones I do for this site can add them on iTunes. Here are the top five most helpful reviews I put there (click the review title to read it on my site or click the album title to go to its iTunes page where you can buy it or just give me another helpful vote if you like):

1. The Final Word in the Final Sentence (Eyes Open - Snow Patrol)
2. Girl Go Ahead Let Your Hair Down (Corrine Bailey Rae - Corrine Bailey Ray)
3. It’s Not a Silly Little Moment, it’s Not the Calm Before the Storm (Continuum - John Mayer)
4. This Sounds Like Disco Tetris (The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani)
5. There’s No Stopping Curiosity (Sing-a-Longs and Lullabies from the Film Curious George - Jack Johnson and Friends)


As for the artist that made the most impact in the last year here are the ones that showed up most on my Best of lists (for those lists, click on the Best of 2006 label at the bottom of this post):

1. KT Tunstall (Best Songs - 11, 31, 97; Best Albums - 2, 28; Readers Poll - 11) - Tunstall started the year garnishing a rare [Extreme] rating on my Terror Alert Scale and even through in an acoustic album late in the year to boot. Yeah her music has been co-opted by some crappy television shows but that in no way takes away the fact that she produced one of the best pop albums in years.

2. Johnny Cash (Best Songs - 2, 52; Best Albums - 7; Best Videos - 1; Best Mash Ups - 1, 8; Reader’s Poll - 15) - As a long time fan, A Hundred Highways was a great swan song (although Rick Rubin says there may be one more after it) giving a song that not only stands up with any song from the American Recording era, but with anything his back catalog with God’s Gonna Cut You Done.

3. The Killers (Best Songs - 10, 94; Best Albums - 48; Best Videos - 6, 12; Reader’s Poll - 4) - I gave the guys a lot of crap this year on not living up to their own hype, but they did give us the best rock song of the year and two iconic videos.

4. Rhymefest (Best Songs - 25, 68; Best Albums - 10) In a year that wasn’t kind to hip hop (maybe Nas is right) with the failed comeback of Jay-Z and Lupe Fiasco not living up to the hype, this MC, who helped Kanye West write Jesus Walk, just may be the one to resurrect hip hop, well that’s if people start listening to him.

5. Gnarls Barkley (Best Songs - 1; Best Videos - 3, 19; Best Mash Ups - 4, 14, 23; Reader’s Poll - 1) No one has done so much with just one song, a song that is inching closer and closer to the top of the One Hit Wonder pantheon.


Since 1996 I have made a CD of my favorite music from the past year and here is the CD I have made from this past year but I like to put songs in reverse order as so they are counting down to the best song. This CD clocks in at 78:07 (for links to the songs and the full top 100 check out: The 100 Best Songs of 2006).

1. Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray
2. Save Room - John Legend
3. The Saints Are Coming - U2 & Green Day
4. Nothing Left to Lose - Mat Kearney
5. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
6. Smile - Lily Allen
7. Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
8. Hips Don’t Lie - Shakira & Wyclef Jean
9. Fidelity - Regina Spektor
10. Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
11. Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
12. When You Were Young - The Killers
13. I Will Follow You into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie
14. Hurt - Christina Aguilera
15. Leave the Pieces - The Wreckers
16. One - Mary J. Blige & U2
17. How to Save a Life - The Fray
18. Boston - Augustana
19. Waiting on the World to Change - John Mayer
20. God’s Gonna Cut You Down - Johnny Cash
21. Crazy - Gnarls Barkley


Looking ahead 2007, I'm predicting Lily Allen to be the break out star of next year. Her first single Smile has gotten some buzz behind it so look out for the release of her album stateside later this month. Just remember when she is huge, you heard it her first. Although keep in mind I haven't correctly predicted the next big thing since Hootie and the Blowfish.

My other prediction is the demise of American Karaoke as it will get thrashed in the ratings by Let's Rob Mick Jagger (be sure to check out my contest and watch the show tonight at 9:00 on ABC). Okay maybe wishful thinking but before the latest crop of karaokers hit the stage I had a chance to her a couple of Katharine McPhee's new songs and, well, I'm less than impressed. She's trying to be Mariah Carey but the only problem is that Mariah Carey is still around and does a much better job at being Mariah Carey. There was one decent song out of the bunch, Love Story and you can take a listen for it yourself below.