Showing posts with label Flavor Flav. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flavor Flav. Show all posts

Sunday, February 10, 2008

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XIX


Quote of the Week: Everything I know about women you can stick in this damn coffee cup. But I do know you got to have trust and honesty and without trust and honestly it is not gonna work. (Coach Taylor, Friday Night Lights)

Song of the Week: Freddom '90 - George Michael (As performed by Victor Garber and a childrens choir, Eli Stone)

Big News of the Week: Ben Silverman Is a Humongous Tool: Back when I was a freshman, the varsity soccer coach said to me, “Hey you.” Apparently I had a deer in the headlights look because my JV coach said, “Don’t worry, if you were in trouble, he’d know your name.” I bring that up because until Thursday I wouldn’t have been able to distinguish Ben Silverman from Ben Stein or Jonathan Silverman. That was until Jo pointed me to this article from Radar Online (which name dropped my brother Shooter) where a reporter asked about Friday Night Lights to which NBC President Silverman said, “Start watching 30 Rock.” Then proceeds to say no one watches FNL. Um, I’m sorry Benny Boy; I totally missed how 30 Rock was this ratings juggernaut. And most of its few viewers are ones that are just too lazy to switch the channel between My Name Is Earl and The Office. I bet if you put 30 Rock in-between 1 vs. 100 and Las Vegas it would have even less viewers than Friday Night Lights.

In fact I would like to point out that Friday Night Light outsells 30 Rock in Unbox Downloads and FNL season 1 is outselling 30 Rock season 1 in the Amazon DVD store (currently 144 to 407 respectively in overall sales to put things in perspective). And keep in mind Amazon numbers are actual hard numbers of people buying unlike the Neilson Ratings which is a glorified poll that is so shady it doesn’t even release its margin of error.

So everyone out there that watches Friday Night Lights be sure to boycott the Knight Rider movie that comes on sometime soon because if it does well they will be making it into a series for some reason even though the debacle that was resurrecting Bionic Woman should still be fresh in their heads. Do not watch My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad whenever that premieres for the same reason (not to mention it will most likely lower your IQ). You can also sign the Best Week Ever petition. And if you want to express to Silverman why he should keep on the Lights here is address (although you may want to avoid calling him a humongous tool even though he is):

Ben Silverman c/o NBC Studios
3000 W. Alameda Ave.
Burbank, CA. 91523

Keep the Lights On!  Sign the Petition!  Friday Night Lights



Coalition Links of the Week:

Buzz wonders how many '80s TV references you can pack into one little Ben Lee music video. (BuzzSugar)

Araya tells us why Friday Night Lights is number 2 on his Top 10 TV Shows list. (Daemon's TV)

Mikey was relieved to see Ricky finally get auf'd on Project Runway, but he still has considerable beefs with the current season. (Mikey Likes TV)

Pop Vultures interviewed writer Eric Estrin and got his perspective on the WGA strike. (Pop Vultures)

To explain her love for Anna Fricke, Rae channeled her Dawson's Creek fangirl of television shows gone by. (RTVW)

Vance skipped The Super Bowl but loved all the super bawling on Friday Night Lights which deserves a bit of that 97 Million Super Bowl football audience. (Tapeworthy)

Jace was all about advance looks at British telly this week, with reviews of new series That Mitchell and Webb Look and Last Restaurant Standing on BBC America. (Televisionary)

Dan interviewed Tonight Show writer Michael Jann about the WGA strike as part of the Adopt a Writer project. (TiFaux)

Jennifer questioned whether Nip/Tuck should be renamed “Nip YUCK,” after the latest developments. (Tube Talk)

Kate picked the five best and five worst looks from this season of Project Runway. (TV Filter)


Welcome to the Captain: Not really the funniest thing I have seen in a while but then again that is what I thought about The Big Bang Theory and it turned into the second funniest thing on television. And a show with George Bluth Sr. and some Hispanic dude named Jesus who pronounces it the Anglo-Saxon way, not the Spanish was has to get better right? You can download Welcome to the Captain on iTunes.


Super Tuesday:It is funny that for months the pundits have been suggesting that the Republican nominee would be decided by a brokered convention but now it is the Republican that have the nominee all but picked and the Democrats are heading for a brokered convention. Not only that, it is plausible that Barak Obama wins more delegates but Hilary Clinton gets the nomination because of the superdelegates (you know because Hilary is pimping out her daughter by making Chelsea call these superdelegates looking for support).

Then all day Saturday, the pundits try to make a big deal out of Mike Huckabee beating John McCain in the Nebraska primary. They all talked about this was conservatives sending a message to McCain but never talked about the real reason: if you are a McCain supporter why bother voting? It is the middle of winter and your candidate is basically a lock why leave your house. I’m not bothering to vote in March in the Republican primary opting to vote in the Democratic one because it will actually mean something.


Lost: Finally got around to watching the first two episodes of the season, but they really deserve their own posts. Look out for that later this week. You can catch up on Lost on iTunes.


Friday Night Lights: Wait, Jason Street nailed that waitress? How did I miss that? And if there were a reason to have another season it is because of his miracle baby. Seriously, only Friday Night Lights can pull off a miracle baby and not make it seem lame (yes I’m talking to you Lost and The X-Files). Anotyher reason there has to be another season is so we can follow Smash down to Whitmore. The scene with him and the two coaches ranks up there as one off the best this season. I’d like Silverman point out any specific scene from 30 Rock better than scene. Check out the latest episodes over at NBC.com.


Promo of the Week: Thanks to the writer’s strike, CBS is importing the Showtime killer drama Dexter to network television premiering next Sunday at 10:00. The show is actually less gruesome so I’m not sure what exactly is going to be cut because the show has a longer runtime than network shows. Below is a promo for the show:



Next Week’s Pick: Flavor of Love 3, Monday at 9:00 on VH1: Okay, to be honest the only reason I am excited about this is because it may mean more contestants for a possible second season of Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School. Although I am really hoping for a Flavor vs. Rock version of Charm School or possibly a Battle of the Sexes with the dudes from I Love New York.




Monday, August 20, 2007

Yeah Boy


Sorry I don’t have anything proper written for today because I have spent the last coupe days in the greatest thing ever in the history of the internet: flavoroflovecasting.com. Seriously, who needs the let down that has been Trapped in the Closet when you can watch videos of morbidly obese hood rats, as they attempt to get on a show where they will have to make out with a dude pushing fifty. There was even someone who created a profile for the loser everyone loves voting for Sanjia (much apolagies if it was actually him who created it). Of course be sure to look out for the casting special that will undoubtedly be repeated constantly for the next couple week.

What is great about the competition is, for as clinically insane some of the past contestants have been, here we get to see some of the girls that are so out there, even the producers wouldn’t cast them for the fear of what they would do to Flav, other contestant, or themselves. And another thing that is great is that we can vote for our favorite and the top five vote getters will automatically make the show. Currently former Flav castoff Buckwild (apparently Mo’nique’s ceremonial burning of her name didn’t take) has a commanding lead at number one. Although she did state in the casting special that former Flavettes were not eligible, so she may not be welcome back in the house. Here are some of my favorites:


Sergeant Beverly: Currently number two on the vote list, and despite parading around in a wedding dress I am going to go out on a limb and say that is a dude.




CrzyWhiteBootie: Who knew Courtney Love would audition for the show.




Dance: The biggest surprise is between the enclaves of the big booty submissions; there are actually a few serviceable applicants.




For all of you chicks with daddy issues out there, you still have time to upload you own video in hopes to get fondled by Flavor Flav on basic cable as voting closes on September 4th. Or if you live near one of the cities listed (yes Cunucks, even you have a chance to make it on the show) you can go to one of the open casting calls.

Monday, August 13, 2007

You Know What Time it Is


From the first inception of the Roast, there hasn’t been an easier target than Flavor Flav. If fact the only easier targets out there would be Paris Hilton and George Bush (who was mentioned three times last night, my favorite: “You treat birth control like George Bush treats the constitution - you pretend it doesn't exist”). So naturally the Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav was the funniest in recent year, not that it had much competition after the Pamela Anderson and William Shatner failed to deliver any laughs. I guess some of the credit goes to Flav himself who laughed at ever single joke like he was sitting through a Richard Prior concert film. He was even the only one laughing when Jimmy Kimmel made his Chris Benoit comment. Hopefully ABC took note of this and yanks his show, seriously, is this any worse than Bill Maher comments that got him canceled?

And really you know a Roast is going to be good when even Greg Gerardo can get a laugh. Um except for went he went after Ice-T. I don’t care if it is a Roast, you don’t make fun of Ice-T. If Greg is conspicuously absent from next year’s Roast, I think we all know what happened. Well not that anyone would notice he was missing. But even though everyone else killed, well except for Brigitte Neilson, Lisa Lampanelli who once again remained unfunny even with the easiest target. And seriously, someone needs to teach that girl how to cross her leg. And whenever someone made fun of her, she actually laughed harder than Flav.

Even though this was one of the better Roasts that most lately it was still bogged down a little by things that brought down previous Roasts. First and foremost is that each Roaster tries to out ranch the previous one. You really don’t need every other word bleeped to be considered funny. Also the Roasters again spend way too much time on each other than the actual Roastee. There may have been more jokes about Neilson than Flav this year just like in past years when Sulu, Bea Arthur and Andy Dick took more abuse than the person they were supposed to be Roasting.

If you missed the Roast or would just like to see it again, head over to ComedyCentral.com to see uncensored clips included the unaired Lil’ Bush segment which was actually funnier than anything that was on his show. You can also download The Uncensored Roast of Flavor Flav in its entirety from iTunes.


And I would be remised if I didn’t bring up Chapter 13 of Trapped in the Closet. I have to admit after waiting a year and a half it was a bit of a letdown. Maybe it is just because it is a transition chapter before Sylvester and Twan get to wherever they are going, but I think we may have to brace ourselves just in case Trapped in the Closet takes a Lost season two type nosedive in terms a quality. But at least Kells did have one great line which my censors won’t allow me to repeat here but I will say it was the one when he brought up a fish.

Friday, August 10, 2007

The Best of Public Enemy


As I mentioned when I inducted Fear of a Black Planet (see My Home Is Your Home So Welcome to the Terrordome) into the Scooter Hall of Fame, it is a shame that anyone born after 1985 probably thinks of Flavor Flav as some reality television lifer instead of the greatest hypeman ever for the seminal rap group Public Enemy. That most likely won’t change anytime soon with the announcement that Flav is currently casting even more hood rats for the third season of Flavor of Love as well as being the guest of honor at the latest Comedy Central Roast (which hasn’t been all that entertaining in recent years) airing this Sunday at 10:00. So to show those youngsters just how great his group was and to remind those who where born before 1985, here is a list of the greatest Public Enemy songs ever that fit nicely on a Mix CD clocking in at 78:45. If you think I left something out feel free to tell me what you would have put on and what song it would replace.


1. Bring the Noise - Less Than Zero Soundtrack (1987)
2. Don’t Believe the Hype - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
3. Rebel Without a Pause - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
4. Night of the Living Baseheads - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
5. Fight the Power - Do the Right Thing Soundtrack (1989)
6. Welcome to the Terrordome - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
7. Brothers Gonna Work it Out - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
8. Burn Hollywood Burn (featuring Ice Cube and Big Daddy Kane) - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
9. 911 Is a Joke - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
10. Can’t Do Nuttin’ for Ya, Man! - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
11. Can’t Truss It - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
12. Shut ‘em Down - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
13. By the Time I Get to Arazona - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
14. Bring tha Noise (featuring Anthrax) - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
15. Give it Up - Muse Sick-n-Hour Mess Age (1994)
16. He Got Game (featuring Stephen Stills) - He Got Game Soundtrack (1998)
17. Son of a Bush - Revolverlution (2002)
18. MKLVFKWR - Bring That Beat Back (featuring Moby) - Unity: the Official Athens 2004 Olympics Games Album (2004)

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

My Home Is Your Home So Welcome to the Terrordome


Fear of a Black Planet - Public Enemy

Most people today when they hear the name Flavor Flav they think of a modern day minstrel show who dated Brigitte Nielsen, renamed a bunch of hood rats and embarrassed their mothers on cable television, and will soon be the latest roastee (not to be confused with the drunken Toasteee) in Comedy Central’s Roast of Flavor Flav, which hasn’t been all that funny in recent years. As hard is it to do so, I still try to remember Flav as the greatest hype man ever for the seminal rap group Public Enemy who album, Fear of a Black Planet, is this month’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame.

Public Enemy had a lot to live up to back at the beginning of the nineties. Their previous album, It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back netted five million in sales, big numbers for a rap group back then. And the previous summer, Fight the Power, which is quite possibly the greatest rap song ever recorded, showed up on the Do the Right Thing Soundtrack (and also shows up as the last track on Fear of a Black Planet). Even though Flav told us not to believe the hype, this album definitely lived up to it.

Even though he is mostly known for getting the party started on stage, Flavor Flav showed on the album that he can indeed rap as 911 Is a Joke remains as one of the group’s best and Can’t Do Nottin’ for Ya Man isn’t that bad either. But it still remains the Chuck D show. And he had plenty in his crosshair on this album including the movie industry (Burn Hollywood Burn), the IRS (Who Stole the Soul?), people against inter-racial dating (the title track), the music industry (Leave this Off Your Fu*kin Charts) and most notable Elvis who, “never meant to be straight out racist) and of course in that same vain John Wayne.

Lost sometimes in the greatness of the rap group is the group responsible for producing the album, The Bomb Squad. They managed to mix multiple samples (something you will never see again thanks to new licensing laws) ranging from your typical funk grooves of James Brown to even the Beatles with the guitar solo from the end of Let’s Go Crazy thrown in for good measure and mashed them up into some of the best noise around, most of the time unable to make out the original sample unless you listen closely.

Fear of a Black Planet also earned the dubious title as being the first album ever that my parents banned me from listening to thanks to the “Parental Advisory” sticker on the cover. And since our lone CD player at the time was in the living room, it was easily enforced by them. Luckily there are friends out there with CD to tape converters and walkmans to get my PE fix during those years until finally getting a CD player of my own. But I wonder what my parents would say now that Fear of a Black Planet was chosen by the Library of Congress to be added to the National Recorded Registry.




Monday, July 02, 2007

Check Thyself Before Thou Wreck Thyself


To be honest all I could handle of the train wreck that was called Flavor of Love were the premiere and the finale, well and of course the reunion show. Really all of those dating shows are pretty nausea inducing even with Flavor Flav at the helm. Yet when the spinoff, which I believe is the fifty-second branch in The Surreal Life family tree, Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School, I was completely onboard. And luckily it didn’t disappoint.

The show did start off a little rocky as they burned in effigy the names that Flav gave to the girls and we had to relearn all of his castoff’s names again. But we get to fins out that Buckwild’s actual name was one of the whitest names ever, Becky. Then there were some questionable casting omissions most notably the girl who did her lady business in the middle of Flav’s foyer. And if you are inviting the chick who got kick out for beating up a white girl and not also include the white chick she beat up?

But all those quibbles were laid to rest as soon as they ladies started to settle in and started trying to out ghetto each other leading the show to being funnier than most sitcoms the networks trot out each fall. This is mostly thanks to the previously mentioned Buckwild as well as Saaphyri who were both good for a one-liner per episode. My personal favorite was from the latter in the finale, who said when it was announced there would be a guest judge, “Who is it, Bill Clinton? He likes school girls.”

In my original assessment of the show, I feared that it would lose its entertainment value because the show was supposed to teach this girls manner, but their hood rat personas were the reasons to watch the show. Luckily the show never lost that edge thanks in part to Pumpkin Brooke and Bootz Larissa making it deep into the competition. Unfortunately without either of them in the finale, and the finale three actually seeming like they wanted to change just as much as they wanted the money for winning, a paltry $50,000 in reality contest terms. Luckily this won’t be the lasting image of the show as we get the reunion special next week. And hopefully there are already plans for a second semester of charm school and maybe they can incorporate the I Love New York rejects or the groupies that get tossed off the upcoming Rock of Love featuring the dude from Poison (and no I won’t be watching that).

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School get a Terror Alert Level on my Terror Alert Scale.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

First Impressions: Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School


The Flavor of Love GirlsThe Surreal Life has to hold the record for most spin-offs. It is directly it is responsible for Strange Love, My Fair Brady and The Surreal Life: Fame Games. Strange Love itself gave us Flavor of Love which then spawned I Love New York (which my sources tell me will get a spin-off of its own) and the latest generation to The Surreal Life family tree, Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School. And what a premise the show has, take thirteen of the most outrageous Flavor Flav castoffs, including the porn star, the spitter, and the fighter and teach them proper etiquette. Although after taking a look at the cast, you can’t help but wonder how the girl that did her business in Flav’s hallway didn’t get on the show.

Mo'nique and Not-BootzA closer look at the show, though, gave me some reservations on how good the show could be. First it ended up being a competition with weekly vote offs which means the most unrulely, i.e. most entertaining, would leave first making the latter episode uninteresting. Second, having Mo’nique as a Charm School judge would be like letting Paula Abdul judge a singing competition (um, yeah). Then as the show begins Mo’nique does the unthinkable, she burns the nicknames that Flav gave the girls instead opting to call the girls by the names on their birth certificates. I have enough trouble distinguishing Bootz from Buckeey as it is, now I have to figure out whom Larissa and Shay are.

But with all the reservations, Charm School lived up to all expectations. It doesn’t take too long to realize that Charm School isn’t going to help any of these girls and it didn’t take too long before the girls started fighting (over a blog at that) and crying. And as fake as some of them try to be in front of the judges, the claws come out during the interviews. And for the girls to stick around, they have to stick to The Ten Commandments of Charm School including 1) Check Thyself before Thou Wreck Thyself. Yeah, because when I think of proper etiquette, I think of Ice Cube lyrics.

The bottom threeThroughout the series, it looks like they will put the girls though a series of challenges that will make kissing Flavor Flav look like a cakewalk in comparison. The first being to rough it at a campsite which included a two hour walk which took the girls four hours to complete. Then the following day, the girls were split into two team and competed in an obstacle course stolen from Celebrity Fit Club. Naturally the team with Like That, err, Darra lost and were up for expulsion from Charm School. At elimination we get to better know the other judges including an editor for Essence and someone who works for the Miss California pageant who is your token mean-spirited judge. And if anyone knows where I can bet on when the dude gets slapped and by whom, please let me know. In the end, some random chick gets the boot.

Verdict: This will be either the greatest or worst show in the history of television. I leave it up to you to decide which one. As for a prediction, I saying that Goldie, oops, Courtney wins. Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School airs Sundays at 10:00 on VH1.

Friday, March 09, 2007

In or Out: Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Edition vol. 3


Next Monday the latest crop of inductees are getting a spot reserved at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and in honor of that, AOL has a list of twenty-five potential future inductees from the late eighties and nineties for people to vote on. Oddly when I voted, each and every artist had a no vote. Here is the last of three posts, ten each post. I’ll have two different ways of deciding. First whether they will actually get in and if I had a vote, would I vote that artist in. Like I said, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction is next Monday and for the very first time (at least that I’m aware of) VH1 Classic will be covering it live starting at 8:30. You can also catch VH1’s usually butcher cut down version the following Saturday at 9:00. Now onto the list:

(Check out vol. 1)
(Check out vol. 2)

Joan Jett (already eligible)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: No

Every once in a while the Hall likes to induct artist solely on the strength of one song, most recently with Percy Sledge. Joan Jett could definitely fall into this with I Love Rock and Roll. The thing with Jett is that if you look at her whole career, with the Runaways and the Blackhearts, she may be Hall worthy, but either individual band or she by herself is not and unfortunately, the Hall doesn’t induct people for their involvement with other groups.


Nine Inch Nails (eligible 2019)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

I never got on the NIN bandwagon, much too electronic for my taste. As for the Hall, the group really only had two hit albums, not really screaming Hall worth. Although Trent Resnor may be able to sneak in because he was pretty innovative at the time being the first electronic hard rock outfit.


Alanis Morissette (eligible 2020)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

I guess she was included because she has the highest selling debut album ever. But if you look at who she took the title from, Hootie and the Blowfish and Boston, you have a band that won’t likely get in (although I’d vote for Hootie) and a band that has been eligible for a while without even being making it to the nomination phase. Plus she was a one trick pony as a token angry chick that has fallen into obscurity after getting over her anger issues.


Oasis (eligible 2019)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

A lock for the UK Hall of Fame but unless the band has a late career resurgence but just doesn’t have the resume to get in stateside. They only had two relevant albums here, both of which had some missteps. Everything since has been for the most part rightfully ignored although you can find some gems in their later catalogues like the sorely overlooked Stop Crying Your Heart Out.


Destiny’s Child (eligible 2023)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

Plenty of great songs by the group but their first three albums were spotty after the single and their last album was absolutely horrible. And that may be their last album with Beyoncé focusing on her solo and acting career. Well until they both wane and the girls get back for the inevitable reunion tour. But as is, the group is far from being Hall worthy.


So those were the twenty-five artist that were mentioned in the AOL list. Next are five artists that didn’t make that list but are worth discussing. The first two were purposed by Russ while the last three are groups that I wanted to bring up.

Soundgarden (eligible 2013)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

The Hall, much as time has been, will not be kind to the Grunge era. Nirvana is in, Pearl Jam barely gets in, but I doubt another Grunge era band gets inducted wether it is deserved or not. Yeah, Soundgarden was one of the few bands from the era that successfully transitioned in the post-grunge, alternative phase and I much perfered Superunknown and Down on the Upside opposed to the rest of their catalogued but if I were to vote for a third band from the Grunge era, I would give it to Alice in Chains.


Smashing Pumpkins (eligible 2018)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

Speaking of that the post-grunge alternative years, arguable there wasn’t a bigger band during that time that the Smashing Pumpkins. That should be enough to get the Pumpkins into the Hall and possible a fist ballot vote despite, like most double albums, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness would have been better as a single disk and they turned into a rock and roll clichĂ© when a touring band member overdosed while in the company of the drummer.


Dave Matthews Band (eligible 2019)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

The biggest touring band of our era, two classic albums (Under the Table and Dreaming, Before These Crowded Streets) and even their worst album (Everyday) is still listenable. The Hall doesn’t seem to like the jam bands aside from The Greatful Dead, which doesn’t look good for the chances for Phish, but Dave and the boys should get in.


Sarah McLachlan (eligible 2014)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

McLaughlin will most like get in solely because of Lilith Fair but the music part of her is definitely there too. Sometime she is an afterthought because she does take a while between albums but is versatile going from an angelic song like, well, Angel yet can be very haunting like on Possession.


Public Enemy (eligible 2012)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

Forget a second about Flavor Flav’s recent reality television exploits, because PE were one of the most influential rap groups of the late eighties with two album that any hip-hop fan should be ashamed not to have (It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back, Fear of a Black Planet). I’ve said this many times before talking about potential inductees, but we cannot easily predicted rappers odds on getting in until we see hoe they treat the first wave, but it would be egregious not to have PE in. Plus who doesn’t want to see a Flavor Flav on the wrong side of fifty on stage one more time?

Monday, December 04, 2006

We on Award Tour: Big in 2006 Awards


Back in October, despite two whole months left, VH1 released it’s nominations for their Big in 2006. The nominations came so early then even had to add some nominees later because they deserved to be mentioned when talking about the year that was. Of course the nominations had to come so early because even though December was just a couple days old the channel held the awards ceremony. Well to be technical that’s just when they aired because the actual awards were likely taped days ago. But anyways. Here are some thoughts from the festivities:

- Even though the latest movie in the franchise was just released you really shouldn’t open up a show about 2006 with a James Bond parody. Although dressing D.L. Hughley up like Boret yet looking more like Steve Harvey was funny. And the monologue was great. Now if only Sorkin would let D.L. write some comedy for (which oddly didn’t receive a mention) imagine how the show could actually be better.

Cue up that chessy Winger song- Whoever decided to pair up and the cheerleader from should be charged with Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor. They hand out the Big Music Artist to . Yawn, I’m ready for sexy to go away again.

- is your backstage announcer for the night and possibly got more screen time than Hughley. I am now convinced that Flav has some compromising pictures of the president of VH1.

- Umm, should I know who Miley Cyrus is? She along with Lance Bass, who somehow escapes from obscurity just for being outed, are out to announce the performance of . They put this way too early in the show because it’s too soon for a bathroom break. I really hope the Fergie era ends along with 2006 and she takes all the other faux female rappers along with her.

- Wow, Kathy Griffin is looking scarier and scarier by the minute. Give her a wig and five years and she will look exactly like Joan Rivers. Lame segment too.

- Next up are the Dancing with C-Listers losers, the dudes from Blossom and Save by the Bell who give the award for big comeback to another has been who needs a reality show to stay on television, .

- wins Big Mama. Keep in mind most of the voting was done before she started hanging out with and flashing her kootchiepop all over the place. And to think two weeks ago no one thought there was anyway could win custody of their children and now he actually looks like the better parent.

We established that she isn’t really fifteen, right?- Speaking of bad plastic surgery, here comes Jenna Jamison. But this begs the question is it really a bad face lift if no one ever looks at your face? But anyways. , who apparently has a real name, Jessica Rose, and cleans up well from all the pajamas she wears to win the Big Web Hit. Now was I just fantasizing are did Jessica ask to make a video with Jenna?

- are onstage with, like Fergie, the same song they performed at the VMA’s. Oh well, at least it’s the best song off their album. And I really like the last line, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus… But more than you’ll ever know.” (Mmm, I wonder if that line will show up later this month.)

- Two actors from various shows give the award for Big Breakthrough to who despite being on tape is funny as usual as he has a collection of Emmys around. Odd that he pokes fun at the cast of fellow nominee yet they weren’t mentioned in the nominee segment.

Yep Weird Al is Whate and Nerdy- and his trophy wife is out to announce the best performance of the night: . I was a little disappointed that VH1 didn’t take my advice and have Al perform with , but this will have to do.

- The Big Shocker goes North Korea testing the bomb. VH1 really dropped the ball by not staging an acceptance speech by bringing in the puppet from .

- The Big Mistakes was another great bit by Hughley, the best being when talking about Mel Gibson blaming all the wars on the Jews, Hughley said, “I didn’t know George Bush is Jewish.” High comedy right there.

- Next out are the dude from Borat not named Borat and (it’s time to cut your loses Hulk, Brooke’s music career is officially a failure) to give the Big Reality Star to some chick from . Really? There is something ironic (possibly sad) about people who sit around their house watching people sit around a house doing nothing.

- announces the Big It-Girl as Katherine McVeigh. I wonder if she’s related to the dude who blew up the building in Oklahoma City.

- Nothing says 2006 like a performance by the dude from . Um, yeah, okay. Apparently he was out to recognize the woman of reality TV, sadly Casey from the Real World/Road Rules Challenge was missing. Although they made up for her absence by closing out the segment with Ms. Jay, that had me on the floor laughing.

- Umm, should I know who Perez Hilton is? Whoever he is, he really needs to invest in a speech coach. And only Paris Hilton would be so starved for the spotlight that she would actually show up to accept an award like Big Outlaw. I wonder if she realizes that we are laughing at her, not with her.

I never knew Adam Sessler could sing- When did the dude from start singing for ?

- Nice of VH1 to award Big Entertainer to long after most people believed he stopped being funny. The proof was in his acceptance speech where he too a joke that should have been funny (saying he’d meet up with Lindsay, Paris, and Britney then flash his junk while getting out of a car) only to go way overboard. It’s time to learn about subtlety Dane.

- The last award of the night goes to for Big TV Star. Yawn. Possibly the most boring VH1 award show ever.


If you watched the Big show you undoubtedly saw some commercials for upcoming VH1 reality shows because that’s all they show anymore. Here I rank them in order of how excited I am about them.

4) I Love New York - A spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off; that has to be some sort of record. But even though I’m a huge Flavor Flav guy there is no way you can get me to watch this.
3) Tom Sizmore Show - I missed what the exact title of the show was and oddly there is no mention of it on the VH1 website, but it looks exactly like Breaking Bonaduce but without the wife. Granted there is a reason why I don’t watch that show and won’t be watching this.
2) The Surreal Life Game - The Surreal Life was a complete rip off of The Real World so it was inevitable that it would riff its spin-off, the Real World/Road Rules Challenge and just like the RW/RR I’ll watch every minute.
1) The White Rapper Show - It looks like an American Karaoke rip-off with M.C. Search of 3rd Bass as a judge. Seriously, this could be the greatest show in VH1 history. Well maybe not Pop Up Videos good, but close.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Musings From the Back 9: VH1 Reality Albums Edition


Earlier this summer, MTV had two of its reality stars release albums in the same week (see and ) and now MTV for old people, VH1 tries to outdo it with the release of three albums by its reality stars in a two week period. And let’s face it, Vh1 shows some of the guiltiest of the guilty pleasures. The channel started its reality empire when it fleeced The Surreal Life from the now defunct WB in its third season. That was the season that brought us the very first reality show for the greatest hype man in the business, Flavor Flav, who would later go on to star in two spin-offs, and , whose two finales garnered VH1 its two highest ratings in the channel’s history.

And I was one of the seven million that say New York get rejected not once, but twice. The main reason why I sat there week in and week out was because I am a long time fan of and will support the group no matter how trashy the venue is. Okay so the main reason I watched Flavor of Love was I find woman degrading themselves just to get on television entertaining and will stoop so low to hook up with a midget, crack-head on the wrong side of forty just to get screen time. But anyways.

To coincide with the finale of his show, the former William Drayton has released his first solo album that has been in the works for a while. The problem though with a Flavor Flav solo album is that he as his best as the hype man and not the center of attention and just making an occasional comment to Chuck D’s political words. Yeah 911 Is a Joke is a classic, but do you really want to hear a whole album full of those types of song? Listening to Flavor Flav answers that question with a no. The bright spot on the album is the production which Flav does most of as well as play most of the instrumentation himself (young Drayton was a trained classical pianist). But really the only song of any interest would be for those that have wanted to get the Flavor of Love theme song that shows up on the album as Flavor-Man.

New to the reality game is who has been biding his time in recent years on the set of one of the Law & Order shows. But he got recruited by VH1 to turn eight middle schoolers at a prep school into a rap group. The show is surprisingly heartfelt and okay for the whole family with the Iceman actually doing a good job teaching the kids. But don’t bring the kids to listen to his latest album that definitely lives up to the title. The album is the first by Ice-T in seven years and still sounds like vintage Ice which is not necessarily a good thing. I’m sure if I was still a youngster who memorized every gangsta rap album I could get my hands on, this album would be right up my album. Unfortunately I have matured in my old age so nothing really strikes me on the album. And Ice replaces he usual tracks about various women with one about his wife Coco (whose appearance on the cover has gotten the album banned in a few stores) which show a softer side of the man that we haven’t hear on an album yet. But for any of you that love the watered down rap that finds its way to the radio, you may want to check out the album to here what real gangsta rap sounds like.

Then in a completely different musical direct there is the debut album from better known as Hulk’s daughter. The Hulkster has been quite open about the reason he signed up for a reality show and that was to advance his daughter’s music career using the VH1 connection to get tickets to various award shows. It eventually paid off when Brooke was the first artist signed to producer Scott Storch’s record label. Storch was also responsible for the production on Hogan’d debut . The album is filled with your token R&B songs over rap beats that oversaturated the market two years ago. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the voice that appears on this album sounds suspiciously like the one that appears on Paris Hilton’s album considering Storch was involved in both projects. This begs the question who’s voice is it, Brooke’s or Paris’, or could it be a third singer all, together? Either way, I smell something fishy and that fish looks strikingly like .

Flavor Flav gets a Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Gangsta Rap gets a Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Undiscovered gets a Terror Alert Level: Low [GREEN] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Best of the Beastie Boys Redux


Tonight is the premiere of the third annual Hip-Hop Honors on VH1 so I though I’d dust off a Best Of compilation I made for one of this year’s honorees, the Beasties Boys. How they weren’t a first ballot induction is baffling, but better late than never. The Hip-Hop Honors has quickly become one of the best shows on the musical calendar just below the Grammy’s and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. I got a sneak peak of tonight’s festivities and it is worth tuning in just to see which MC’s perform Paul Revere. Yeah the show is airing opposite of Veronica Mars, but keep in mind this is VH1 so aside from airing at 9:00, it will also re-air at 11:40 and 11:00 AM tomorrow and I wouldn’t be surprised it shows up on VH1’s broadband channel soon. This Best Of clocks in at 76:33:

1. Fight for Your Right – Licensed to Ill (1986)
2. No Sleep Till Brooklyn – Licensed to Ill (1986)
3. Paul Revere – Licensed to Ill (1986)
4. Girls – Licensed to Ill (1986)
5. Hey Ladies – Paul’s Boutique (1989)
6. Shake Your Rump – Paul’s Boutique (1989)
7. Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun – Paul’s Boutique (1989)
8. Gratitude – Check Your Head (1992)
9. Pass the Mic – Check Your Head (1992)
10. So What’cha Want – Check Your Head (1992)
11. Sabotage – Ill Communication (1994)
12. Sure Shot – Ill Communication (1994)
13. Root Down – Ill Communication (1994)
14. Get it Together (with Q-Tip) – Ill Communication (1994)
15. Intergalactic – Hello Nasty (1998)
16. Super Disco Breakin’ – Hello Nasty (1998)
17. Body Movin’ (Fatboy Slim Remix) – Sounds of Science (1999)
18. Three MC’s and One DJ – Hello Nasty (1998)
19. Ch-Check it Out – To the 5 Boroughs (2004)
20. Triple Trouble – To the 5 Boroughs (2004)
21. Right Right Now Now – To the 5 Boroughs (2004)
22. Time to Build – To the 5 Boroughs (2004)
23. An Open Letter to NYC – To the 5 Boroughs (2004)


In more hip-hop news, I have some really great news, former Hip-Hop Honoree with Public Enemy, Flavor Flav and his show is now available on iTunes, so click the link to download your favorite episode (mine being the spit seen round the world). You can also now download too.

And in other iTunes news, you can download a free preview of the upcoming movie from the store. I haven’t had the time to look at it yet, but I’m hoping it’s at least funnier than Jack Black’s stint at the VMA’s this year. But hey, it's free so click on their name to download it. While you're there you can also pre-order their new album but it is not free though.

One last thing, please scroll down to the Lyrics Quiz to see if you can guess any of the remaining lyrics which now have hints. Also if you think there is a song missing from my Beastie Boys list, feel free to tell me what you would add or replace in the comment section.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Big 5-0-0


This post you are reading marks the 500th post here at the 9th Green. Yippie. I really don’t have anything to celebrate the occasion even though I realized I was coming up on the milestone over a month ago. And in lieu of cards, presents, or money, really all I ask of you the reader is to take three minutes out of your day and watch the video below courtesy of . If you venture the blogs I do, no doubt you have seen it already, but this promo is more for people who haven’t seen the show the video promote. So everyone please give it a watch. And for those keeping track at home, the song in the second half is All These Things That I've Done.




Okay, I do have a small, but very cool announcement; “Weird Al” Yankovic has a new album coming out next month. Pre-order your copy of Straight Outta Lynwood from Amazon below. I’m a little worried about the quality considering he had to reference an almost two decade old record. But as long there is a polka or two on it, I’ll be happy. There is no track list yet but expect parodies of , , , (I’m not sure he can top ’s parody, link definitely not safe for work) as well as some karaoke winner and the duel disk also contains six new music videos. One parody you won’t here is one of , but you can still download it from ’s website. Oh, and if you really, really want to congratulate me by sending gifts or money, I guess there is really no way foe me to stop you.

Scooter Update: It just came to my attention after watching the latest episode of Flavor of Love that season one of the show will be available on August uncensored so you at home can watch the spit seen round the world in crystal DVD imaging rather than watch the grainy YouTube version (again link not safe for work or for people with class). “Weird Al” and Flavor Flav: what more can a man ask for? (And yes both are on my wishlist over at Amazon.)



Thursday, August 03, 2006

First Impressions: Flavor of Love 2


Flavor of LoveIn yet another 9th Green exclusive*, I had the pleasure of seeing an advanced copy of the new season of Flavor of Love days before it premieres on Sunday. First off we get a long rundown on how we got to the second season including his stints on the Surreal Life 3, Strange Love with Bridgette Neilson and of course the first season of Flavor of Love which ended with Hoopz knowing what time it is. But between the season one finale, which just so happened to be the largest audience of any show in VH1’s history, and the reunion show, Hoopz no longer knew what time it was leading to the inevitable second season.

This time around took a hands on approach to the casting as this time he didn’t want any gold diggers. But with Flav in charge in the casting, this led to, um, larger contestants and shockingly, girl that seem crazier than the first batch. And even more surprisingly, there were actually a few chicks I found attractive this time around. But when it comes down to it, the show still feels like a ghetto version of The Bachelor that they’d show on public access in Compton with some white chicks thrown in for affirmative action purposes.

The show’s format didn’t really change much though where the girls first show up and claim beds, and then it’s off to get drunk. Then there is the ceremonial nickname banding, also know as where Flavor first gets to grope the girls, and then the girls go off to drink some more. After that is the mixer where Flav gets to meet and chat with the girls and gets his first chance to make out with them, all the while the chick drink some more. And finally the passing out of the clocks at the first elimination, followed by drinking to celebrate those who made the cut while Flav pours some out for the chicks that didn’t know what time it was.

Even though it was very repetitive from last season, there are plenty of reasons to watch the premier including someone getting tossed before the third commercial break. And seeing why she was tossed was entertaining which they showed multiple times including in slo-mo. The one big change this time around is Flav brought in a spy to make sure all the gold diggers and reality shows professionals didn’t slip through, although it’s surprising that Trishelle hasn’t shown up yet as this is one of the few reality shows she hasn’t been on yet. And for the first time ever we get Flav-lation where they translate what Flav is saying so those of us white people in the Midwest can understand.

And they save the best, and by best I mean the worst for last. And all I have to say make sure you don’t eat before you watch the show because the most discussing thing I’ve ever seen on television happens in the last act.

Verdict: With Jerry Springer no longer entertaining, Flavor of Love has become the best train wreck on TV. As much as I don’t want to watch it, I’m sure I’ll see every episode by the time the finale comes around.

* Okay, so this wasn’t so much a 9th Green exclusive because you too can watch the first episode of Flavor of Love, along with the new season of Celebrity Fit Club, on VH1’s Broadband channel with limited commercial breaks. Or you can still see it on VH1 this Sunday at 10:00 and of course since its VH1, it will be repeated constantly throughout the week.