The 40 Worst Songs of 2010

1. We Are the World 25 for Haiti - Artists for Haiti

2. Like a G6 - Far East Movement featuring Dev and the Cartiacs

3. Check It Out - Nicki Minaj featuring will.i.am

4. The Time (Dirty Bit) - Black Eyed Peas

5. OMG - Usher featuring will.i.am

6. Imma Be - Black Eyed Peas

7. Pretty Boy Swag - Soulja Boy Tell'em

8. Telephone - Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce

9. Carry Out - Timaland featuring Justin Timberlake

10. My First Kiss - 3Oh!3 featuring Ke$ha

11. Massive Attack - Nicki Minaj featuring Sean Garrett

12. Dirty Picture - Taio Cruz and Ke$ha

13. California Gurls - Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg

14. Bottoms Up - Trey Songz featuring Nicki Minaj

15. BedRock - Young Money and Lloyd

16. Whataya Want from Me - Adam Lambert

17. Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) - My Chemical Romance

18. I Am Not a Human Being - Lil' Wayne

19. Porn Star Dancing - My Darkest Day featuring Zakk Wylde, Chad Kroeger, and Ludacris

20. Ridin' Solo - Jason Derülo

21. Take It Off - Ke$ha

22. Your Love - Nicki Minaj

23. Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds to Mars

24. Get Back Up - T.I. featuring Chris Brown

25. Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Miley Cyrus featuring Bret Michaels

26. Up Out My Face - Mariah Carey featuring Nicki Minaj

27. Yeah 3X - Chris Brown

28. DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love - Usher featuring Pitbull

29. Every Girl In the World - Young Money

30. Raise Your Glass - P!nk

31. Trailerhood - Toby Keith

32. Firework - Katy Perry

33. Hey - Lil' Jon and 3OH!3

34. Right Thru Me - Nicki Minaj

35. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

36. Alejandro - Lady Gaga

37. Black and Yellow - Wiz Khalifa

38. Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha feahuring 3OH!3

39. Empire State of Mind - Glee Cast

40. Your Love Is My Drug - Ke$ha

We on Award Tour: 2011 Grammy Nominations

The 00’s is when the music industry went in the tank, yet as sales go lower and lower, it seems like every year there is yet another new music awards show (there is another new one airing in a couple months), but there still remains only one award show that matters: The Grammy’s. Okay, the awards themselves are not that credible (Hilary Clinton has more Grammy’s than Bob Marley, The Who, Led Zeppelin, and Jimi Hendrix combined) but you know they will put on a great show. No acts announced yet (hopefully they will be better than Katy Perry and Justin Beiber), but they did announce some nominees last night (head over to Grammy.com for the full rundown):

Song of the Year
Beg Steal or Borrow – Ray LaMontange and the Pariah Dogs
(Expletive Delete) You – Cee Lo Green
The House That Built Me – Miranda Lambert
Love the Way You Lie – Eminem featuring Rihanna
Need You Now – Lady Antebellum

Who Will Win: Ray LaMontange and the Pariah Dogs
Who Should Win: Cee-Lo Green

Wait, they actually nominated for a songwriting award a song they cannot even say on network television? Also nominated a song that includes the lyrics, “It’ three AM and I’m drunk again.” You cannot call the Grammy’s stuffy anymore. It is such a weird group it is hard to pick a favorite, but Ray LaMontange is the most “traditional” song, but Mirada Lambert may get the sentimental vote.

Best New Artist
Justin Bieber
Drake
Florence + The Machine
Mumford & Sons
Esperanza Spalding

Who Will Win: Drake
Who Should Win: Mumford and Sons

Best New Artist is always a tossup, but I have been playing out Mumford and Sons for most of the year. But I can see them or Drake or Florence and the Machine also taking it. Since there is no one in the academy under sixteen to stuff the ballot like the AMA’s, Beiber doesn’t have a chance. And for those wondering, Esperanza Spalding is a jazz artist, and as Herbie Hancock’s win recently, do not count her out.

Album of the Year
The Suburbs – Arcade Fire
Recovery – Eninem
Need You Now – Lady Antibellum
The Fame Monster – Lady Gaga
Teenage Dream – Katy Perry

Who Will Win: Eminem
Who Should Win: I do not care

Wasn’t Lady Gaga nominated for the same album last year? How does this happen? Even more puzzling, Kate Perry gets nominated? Ugg, I could care less for this category.

Record of the Year
Nothin' On You – B.o.B. featuring Bruno Mars
Love the Way You Live – Eminem featuring Rihanna
(Expletive Delete) You - Cee-Lo Green
Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z and Alicia Keys
Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Who Will Win: Jay-Z
Who Should Win: Cee Lo

A strong category (though I would have exchanged Airplanes for B.o.B.’s song here) but there was no song more infectious this year than the one that Cee-Lo gave us. Here is hoping that they let Cee-Lo perform the real version on the telecast.

The 100 Worst Songs of the 00's

1. London Bridge - Fergie

2. Lollipop - Lil' Wayne and Static Major

3. If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears

4. Stars Are Blind - Paris Hilton

5. Jenny from the Block - Jennifer Lopez featuring Styles P and Jadakiss

6. The Anthem - Good Charlotte

7. Cameltoe - Fannypack

8. I'm in Luv with a Stripper - T-Pain featuring Mike Jones

9. When I Grow Up - Pussycat Dolls

10. Gimme More - Britney Spears

11. A Bay Bay - Hurricane Chris

12. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas

13. This Is Why I’m Hot - Mims

14. Axel F - Crazy Frog

15. Fergalicious - Fergie

16. Liquid Dreams - O-Town

17. Crank That (Soulja Boy) - Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

18. Laffy Taffy - D4L

19. Chain Hang Low - Jibbs

20. My Neck, My Back (Lick It) - Khia

21. Put it On Me - Ja Rule featuring Lil' Mo and Vita

22. Lip Gloss - Lil’ Mama

23. Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father) - Lindsay Lohan

24. Get Low - Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz and Ying Yang Twins

25. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull

26. Salt Shaker - Ying Yang Twins and Lil' John and the Eastside Boyz

27. Stanky Legg - GS Boyz

28. Blue (Da Be Dee) - Eiffel 65

29. Shots - LMFAO and Lil' John

30. Poker Face - Lady Gaga

31. You're a Jerk - New Boyz

32. Low - Flo Rida featuring T-Pain

33. She Hates Me - Puddle of Mudd

34. Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas

35. It’s Not Over - Daughtry

36. Just Dance - Lady Gaga and Colby O'Donis

37. Grills - Nelly featuring Paul Wall, Ali & Gipp

38. Right Round - Flo Rida featuring Ke$ha

39. Grace Kelly - Mika

40. Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani

41. It's Goin' Down - Yung Joc featuring Nitti

42. Pop - N*SYNC

43. Eat You Alive - Limp Bizkit

44. Home - Daughtry

45. Do I Make You Proud - Taylor Hicks

46. Word Up! - Korn

47. Clothes Off!!! - Gym Class Heroes featuring Patrick Stump

48. All the Above - Maino featuring T-Pain

49. I’m Not OK (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance

50. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous - Good Charlotte

51. She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy - Kenny Chesney

52. LoveGame - Lady Gaga

53. Party Like a Rock Star - Shop Boyz

54. I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco

55. 3 - Britney Spears

56. Big Girls Don’t Cry (Personal) - Fergie

57. My Way - Limp Bizkit

58. Kiss Me Thru the Phone - Soulja Boy Tell 'em and Sammy

59. American Life - Madonna

60. Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit

61. Ur So Gay - Katy Perry

62. Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit

63. 24's - T.I.

64. The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars

65. Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

66. My Prerogative - Britney Spears

67. Lean Back - Terror Squad

68. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry

69. I Don’t Want to Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem) - Good Charlotte

70. Not too Young, Not too Old - Aaron Carter featuring Nick Carter

71. Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin’) - T-Pain featuring Yung Joc

72. Wait (The Whisper Song) - Ying Yang Twins

73. Don’t Trust Me - 3OH!3

74. Ms. New Booty - Bubba Sparxxx featuring Mr. ColliPark and the Ying Yang Twins

75. Hotel Room Service - Pitbull

76. With Arms Wide Open - Creed

77. Bartender - T-Pain featuring Akon

78. Handlebars - Flobots

79. Something in Your Mouth - Nickelback

80. Right Now (Na Na Na) - Akon

81. Goodies - Ciara featuring Petey Pablo

82. I’m Real - Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule

83. One Minute Man - Missy Elliot featuring Ludacris and Trina

84. Bodies - Downing Pool

85. My Sacrifice - Creed

86. U & Ur Hand - P!nk

87. My Love - Justin Timberlake featuring T.I.

88. Prom Queen - Lil' Wayne and Shanell

89. Ready, Set, Don't Go - Billy Ray Cyrus featuring Miley Cyrus

90. Turn My Swag On - Soulja Boy Tell ‘em

91. Love Don't Cost a Thing - Jennifer Lopez

92. L.O.V.E. - Ashlee Simpson

93. 1, 2 Step - Ciara featuring Missy Elliot

94. Shoulder Lean - Young Dro featuring T.I.

95. Get the Party Started - P!nk

96. Pimp Juice - Nelly

97. Right Thurr - Chingy

98. Womanizer - Britney Spears

99. Show Stopper - Danity Kane featuring Yung Joc

100. Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) - Big and Rich

Keep Your Hand on My Head, Your Heart on Your Sleeve

Listening to All I Ever Wanted I feel I may have been a little to harsh when reviewing Kelly Clarkson’s last disk My December (see: You're Going Crazy, Running on Empty). My big complaint was that she tried to do too much herself, even if she had no ability to create a memorable melody, almost defiantly resulting in a bland cumbersome album. But on her new disk, the best tracks are actually the one with her hands on it.

The album starts off with handing the reigns over to other writers an d producers almost saying, if you want another Since U Been Gone, here you go” with first single My Life Would Suck Without You even opening up with the exact same guitar riff. Sadly the truly excellent riff from Gone, the ripped off one from The Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ Maps, is nowhere to be found. But in the end the song doesn’t even sound like Clarkson, instead sounds like Katy Perry trying to imitate her.

Perry actually shows up twice co-writing two of the weakest tracks on the album I Do Not Hook Up (co-written by Kara DioGuardi) and Long Shot (co-written with Glen Ballard). Both songs are dumbed down and riddled with over reaching clichés, pretty much your token Katy Perry song. And Since U Been Gone isn’t the only song that gets recreated as Don’t Let Me Stop You starts up with the same noted as Behind These Hazel Eyes.

Things don’t get much listenable until the Clarkson written Already Gone. But keep in mind the song was co-written and produced by the dude from One Republic, so it is about as adventurous as your typical Musak track. Actually, Save You sounds like Stop and Stare in the beginning and features the “I wish we were Coldplay” riffs in it too. Two of the songs Kelly didn’t write with Ryan Tedder are a bit poppier, and better. In fact I Want You may be the best late nineties teen pop songs never written and even harkens back to the girl groups of the sixties.

The album ends on a high note with the Keri Noble scribed If No One Will Listen which Clarkson could have written herself after the debacle surrounding her last record. And is a much better balled than the overdramatic and over dramatic Cry which will probably polluting the airwaves for the year and a half. But it will be If No One Will Listen that American Karaokers will be butchering for years to come.

Song to Download – I Want You

All I Ever Wanted gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour: 2009 Grammy Awards

A fairly low key event this year at the Grammy’s missing the usual goosebumps moments the show is known for instead there were too many head scratching moments. Really, the big surprise of the night was Stevie Wonder performing with the Jonas Brothers. And if I am not mistaken, this was the first year they didn’t run the “Awards previously handed out earlier” segment instead opting for a “go to gammy.com” to see those. Granted I am too lazy to do so. Here are some other thoughts from the night:

- Even though they were not up for any award, U2 opens up the show. Hopefully Get on Your Boots isn’t a preview of what is to come on their new album as it is just a Vertigo retread. Then we get our first awkward moment of the night with Bono throwing to Whitney Houston.

- I know they were engaged, but it is hard not to start laughing seeing I Love New York castoff Punk next to Jennifer Hudson, who takes home worst dressed award (M.I.A. gets a pass on account that she is nine months pregnant).

- The biggest showdown in the night didn’t actually take place in any announced category, but between The Rock and Jay Mohr between for most uncomfortable dialogues.

- The Rock throws to the next awkward moment of the evening with Justin Timberlake rambling on about stalking Al Green or something. Granted this performance was rushed together after Rihanna canceled her performance early Sunday after she may or may not have been assaulted by Chris Brown.

- I was a little disappointed that Coldplay didn’t get served during their performance. I actually thought that was Jay-Z was doing before I recognized him. And is Coldplay winning a Grammy for Viva la Vida the musical equivalent of Barry Bonds being the home run king?

- Was that Lita Ford playing guitar for Carrie Underwood?

- Miley Cyrus should go back to lip-syncing Hanna Montana songs for ten year olds. Singing live just isn’t her strong suit.

- A little part of my soul died watching Stevie Wonder slumming it with the Jonas Brothers. And isn’t Superstition a little too heavy for the teens. Will they be performing Walk on the Wild Side with Lou Reed next year?

- Do we really need a Blink-182 reunion? Certainly their sophomoric rock was fine when you’re twenty-three, but not when you are thirty-three.

- Did I miss the point of My Grammy Moment? Wasn’t it to perform with someone on stage at the Grammy’s, not having your video played on a screen behind someone for about twenty seconds? And one of the Jonas Brothers looked a little too excited during the Katy Perry performance.

- And here is why CBS is the number one network and NBC will be battling The CW soon. During their big event last week, NBC only promoted one night of television, while CBS actually spread out all their shows including upcoming ones. Although if I am Vegas, I setting the Over/Under on Harper’s Island at 5 episodes. That just looks cheesy. And can I go ahead and predict the Bride does it.

- It may be time for a Kanye West intervention. It is never a good sign when you are starting to look and dress like Michael Jackson circa Off the Wall.

- Well at least the Adele / Sugarland wasn’t as bad as when the country band joined Beyoncé onstage for Irreplaceable.

- Why is USC the go to marching band? Certainly being in Los Angeles has something to do with it. But can’t someone give UCLA a little love?

- Shouldn’t T.I. be in jail by now? Since when do we let felons just wonder the country for a couple months before repaying their debt to society? To make maters worse, I have to sit through that horrible Justin Timberlake collaboration. That should add a couple more months to his sentence.

- Holy Neil Diamond sighting. But how do not get an all-star chorus to sing a drunken backup like has happen in every bar for the past thirty years? That could have been the highlight of the show.

- I would like to make it known I am completely against doubling and tripling up the tribute portion of the program.

- And the least surprising part of the night was the Robert Plant & Alison Krauss sweep. And that is your 2009 Grammy’s. Yay.

40 Worst Songs of 2008

A strange thing happened while compiling this year’s worst songs list: I actually had a hard time coming up with forty songs. Usually I can easily come up with a list off the top of my head. I am not sure if it was because there actually didn’t release as many bad songs as usual this year or if I was able to avoid them better this year. But in the end I was actually able to come up with the usual forty to signify the death of Top 40 radio. Here are the songs that made my ears bleed the last three hundred and sixty-five days. Wait, sixty-six, it was leap year. And don’t forget the extra second they are tacking onto the end of this year.

1. When I Grow Up - The Pussycat Dolls

2. Womanizer - Britney Spears

3. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry

4. Lollipop - Lil’ Wayne and Static Major

5. Damaged - Danity Kane

6. Higher - Heidi Montag

7. So What - P!nk

8. Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) - Ashlee Simpson

9. Official Girl - Cassie featuring Lil’ Wayne

10. Break the Ice - Britney Spears

11. 4 Minutes - Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland

12. Can't Believe It - T-Pain featuring Lil’ Wayne

13. Like Me - Girlicious

14. I'm So Paid - Akon, Lil’ Wayne, and Young Zeezy

15. In the Ayer - Flo Rida featuring will.i.am

16. Ur So Gay - Katy Perry

17. Something In Your Mouth - Nickelback

18. Single - New Kids on the Block featuring Ne-Yo

19. Spotlight - Jennifer Hudson

20. Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

21. Chopped N Skrewed - T-Pain featuring Ludacris

22. Nine In the Afternoon - Panic at the Disco

23. Handlebars - Flowbots

24. Feels Like Tonight - Daughtry

25. Got Money - Lil’ Wayne featuring T-Pain

26. Dangerous - Kardinal Offishall featuring Akon

27. Elevator - Flo Rider

28. What About Now - Daughtry

29. Circus - Britney Spears

30. One Step At a Time - Jordin Sparks

31. Summertime - New Kids on the Block

32. Over You - Daughtry

33. Love In This Club - Usher featuring Young Jeezy

34. Fly On the Wall - Miley Cyrus

35. Sorry - Buckcherry

36. Put On - Young Jeezy featuring Kanye West

37. The Time of My Life - David Cook

38. Falling Down - Scarlett Johansson

39. Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

40. Crush - David Archuleta

We on Award Tour: 2008 Video Music Awards

What the frak happened to the Video Music Awards? Once the bastion of everything cool has turned into the most unwatchable thing on television. Even in the lean years, they were still able to line up legitimate stars. As much as I complained about last year’s show it still featured Kanye West, Alicia Keys, Linkin Park and Foo Fighters. This year is packed with groups that in past years would not have the resume to land them an opening show spot. Really only Kid Rock has actually sold multimillion albums. Seriously, who the frak is Tokyo Hotel? Danity Kane? Yeah, there was no blatant synergy there at all. MTV obviously knew the star power equaled that of your local public access begging to get Christina Aguilara and Kanye West to perform at the last minute pulling Kanye out of his MTV ban a year after promising never to go on the show again.

And it isn’t just the performers that were low star wattage because, the people handing out the moonmen were pretty sad too: Miley Cyrus, the cast of High School Music, the dude from Gossip Girl? You know what the VMA’s have turned into: the Teen Choice Awards. This may be my swan song for the VMA because they have decided that anyone older than fifteen and with male parts could possibly enjoy anything this crap. Here are other complaints with this year’s show:

- Instead of any music in the pre-show we get random people dancing. Um, yeah, okay. I guess that makes sense because all the pre-show quality artists were sadly invited to play on the big show. Yeah, that was the most worthless pre-show ever.

- Ooo, a new Survivor-style version of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Can’t wait. One thing I can wait for: another Paris Hilton reality show.

- Who invited Kobe Bryant? Aren’t there too many teenage white girls around for him to be invited to? If you invite Kobe Bryant, shouldn’t you invite Chris Hansen too?

- “Better luck next year T-Pain, if you’re still relevant,” I not sure who the dude who said that, but no truer words were spoken tonight. I bet less than half the people this year won’t warrant an invite next year.

- Britney Spears opening the VMA’s again. Yawn. Have we not learned from Crossroads that she cannot act.

- Wow, the place where the VMA’s took place looked about the size of the TRL set. This is really sad. The economy is really as bad as they say it is.

- I really dislike that Disturbia song, it is an obvious attempt at trying to recreate Thriller but it is no where near as catchy. But I did like the Seven Nation Army interlude. And can we keep the clippers away from Rihanna. It is like ever single she releases she cuts off even more hair.

- Congratulation Russell Brand, you went from hilarious to humongous tool even faster than Dane Cook. I guess I shouldn’t have expected much from a guy who dressed up like Osama bin Ladin the day after 9/11. If you can get on your knees to get Kanye West back, why can’t you do the same for Chris Rock?

- DJ AM and Travis Barker are the house band? Really? Since when is dating reality stars make you relevant?

- For those lucky enough to avoid the Jonas Brother phenomenon, they are basically Hanson but without legitimately catchy songs. That in no insult to Hanson who actually play all the instruments themselves when they play live.

- Luckily we only have to put with ten seconds of Katy Perry singing.

- Yeah, the Michael Phelps hosted Saturday Night Live isn’t going to be any good.

- Why invite Lil’ Wayne to perform if you are just going to censor every third word out of his mouth? Then you have T-Pain who didn’t bother to lip-sync half his performance.

- Did Lindsay Lohan said she had a dance off with AC/DC. When did this happen? Was Angus wearing his kilt? And is it on YouTube? And wasn’t Fannie Pack the people that did that horrible Camel Toe song from a few years ago.

- Paramore: best made for the pre-show.

- Wow, Russell Brand just got put on blast by Jordin Sparks. You go girl.

- Was T.I. just rapping over his song playing on the CD player? That’s some eighth grade talent show stuff.

- Add to my who are these guys list: Josh and Drake.

- I guess it is apropos that Brittany would win three awards at the biggest train wreck of the year.

- Kanye, don’t sing ever again. Ever.

- So there is another VMA, no big surprises and we are stuck at the watercooler again for the forth year in a row with nothing to talk about except about how bad it was.

Voted Most Likely to End up on the Back of a Milk Box Drink

Certainly by now you have heard the not a Jill Sobule cover I Kissed a Girl or the ode to Ryan Seacrest You’re so Gay by Katy Perry (I featured the former in a battle of the not cover songs last week). Calling the reviews for her album One of the Boys mixed would be an understatement. Billboard said, “Not since Jagged Little Pill has a debut album been so packed with potential hits,” while Rolling Stone labeled it “boring.”

The Alanis Morissette comparison could come more from the appearance of Glen Ballard who co-wrote her debuted album and hasn’t been heard since help making the worst Dave Matthews Band album of their career. But a much better comparison would be Avril Lavigne if she let her keyboardist have too much control in her band. Not surprisingly, sometime Lavigne producer Dr. Luke also shows up on One of the Boys.

This is not to disrespect Lavigne who has been able to create a few catchy songs in her career and can actually carry a tune. Perry on the other hand has a voice that gets grating fast sounding like the leader of a bad new wave band from the eighties and as Rolling Stone were point on by calling the album boring; it is just one paint by number angst track after another. The only tracks that stand out are the two novelty tracks previously mention, but Perry’s novelty wears thin a lot sooner than even Who Let the Dogs Out as each got tiresome about the second listen.

It is funny that Perry makes fun of emo rockers in You’re So Gay, because if a dude sang any of her songs, he’d definitely wear guyliner and be signed to Pete Wentz’s label. Self Inflicted is so laughable as a song you have to wonder if it is supposed to be as tongue and cheek as her novelty songs. And her love for eighties new wave, a precursor to emo, almost goes over the edge on If You Can Afford Me which changes enough notes from The Cure’s Just Like Heaven to avoid a copyright suit.

Song to Download - I'm Still Breathing - One of the Boys

One of the Boys gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.