This being the Most Mediocre Year Ever, there is no band that sums that up better than Paramore. The bad got a big push from MTV and their record label thanks to being one of the first bands to sign a 360 degree deal. Yet with all the marketing muscle behind their three singles this year, the band wasn’t good enough to show up on this list nor were bad enough to land of the Worst Songs of 2007 list. So congratulations Paramore, with all the mediocre music put out by bland artists such as OneRepublic, Lifehouse, and Sean Kingston, you managed to be the most mediocre of them all. Although the problem with the most mediocre of them all, even though this is the Most Mediocre Year Ever, you will most likely be forgotten by 2009. Sorry.
Onto the songs that did make the list, the reason this is the Most Mediocre Year Ever is the great songs were really thin at the top this year. Most of these songs wouldn’t have cracked the top ten in other years. With that said, even though there was a lacking of great songs, there was an overabundance of good songs this year to the point that there were ten to twenty songs this year that deserved to make the top one hundred when most years ninety through one hundred are an afterthought most years. But here are the ones that made the cut for this, the last post of 2007. Hopefully I will see you all back here in 2008.
It is really hard to complain about MTV and VH1 no longer showing videos anymore because who these days wants to wade through videos that they hand pick when you have almost every video ever made at your disposal whenever you want on sites like YouTube? And here are the best of the best of from the past twelve months. I have embedded the first couple videos, the rest you can click the link to follow to YouTube and if you are interested in buying the videos, click the iTunes links. Now I should mention some of these videos are not safe for work but really nothing on YouTube is all the safe for work because I’m sure you boss wouldn’t be thrilled even if your watching a video of a cat playing with a ball of yarn. But anyways:
1. Can't Tell Me Nothing - Kanye West
2. Trapped in the Closet Chapter 1-12 Recap - R. Kelly
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
You got to love how Kanye West releases a video for a song that gives a shout-out to his release date buddy 50 Cent, who he is destroying after first day sales. It looks like Kanye will end up selling more albums in one day than 50 does all week. The video though is just your basic computer graphic enhanced clip with him and T-Pain doing their best Puff Daddy/Mase impressions. And what is with the two cuts Kanye is sporting the profile view? Well, at least it wasn’t his eyebrows.
This is one of the new songs featured on the upcoming Matchbox Twenty greatest hits package Exile on Mainstream. Get it? Instead of Main Street. Oh never mind. Can’t say I was ever the biggest fan of the band. Maybe because I had a neighbor who I shared a paper thin wall will in college who would blast Long Day for an entire month. That’s it. No other song, just Long Day. As for the video I doubt it will get any spins on television thanks to the equal air-time laws. And really why bother it is not like either Barack Obama or Hilary Clinton could win the national election.
What do you do when you want to make a video but the person who sung the song is in rehab? Well if you are Mark Ronson you just pull a couple of look-a-like out of the crowd Courtney Cox style. Between his record, and the ones he produced for Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and Christina Aguilera, if Ronson doesn’t take home producer of the year at the Grammy’s this year, there is something seriously wrong.
Pretty cool effects in this video especially the melting record. But since the last two singles haven’t caught on I’m not sure this one will either. Between Evanescence and Kelly Clarkson this hasn’t been that good of a year for angry white chicks. No wonder Alanis Morissette has been hiding lately.
Remember the catchphrase from what I think was the eighth installment of the Lethal Weapon franchise when Danny Glover (or was it Mel Gibson) said, “I’m getting too old for this (expletive deleted)!” Well that is how I have felt after ever Video Music Awards since, um, when was the last time Chris Rock hosted? But I thought this year was different when the show was announced thanks to scheduled performers Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse. Apparently MTV got word of this and since they have been trying very hard to keep anyone that is actually older than they are, both ended up not being able to make it to the show.
And so went the interest as most anyone who isn’t a fourteen year old white girl that still thinks Fall Out Boy are cool. But in the end I guess it is good that neither made it because they probably would have just been relegated to singing for thirty second with Mark Ronson before MTV cut to commercial. Seriously, if I wanted to hear less than a minute of a song I’d watch TRL. Eighteen different acts were featured but only five get to perform a full song. Why bother? Apparently you can watch all the suite performances at MTV.com but you might as well wait until someone rips the best to mp3. Here are some other thoughts on the show:
- We start off with the fairly worthless pre-show where they roll out John Norris again. Did this guy sign some sort of life-long contract? MTV has a stricter age limit than Menoudo yet he still gets rolled out every year with his boyband circa 1999 haircut. And there is something to say that even though T.I. was in the building, he didn’t bother to show up for the chick from the Pussycat Dolls performance, who relied heavily on guided vocals, even though he appeared on the song.
- The big show started of with the much hyped Britney Spears performance and despite with expectations were so low she could walk over the bar, she still found a way to slither under it. Now I have never watched America’s Got Talent, but her performance is what I would imagine what a Britney impersonator’s that was let on the show just so the Hoff would have something to laugh at would look like. She didn’t bother to lip-sync half the time and was a half to full step behind her back up dancers half the time and looked lost half the time. But I guess it would be hard to remember the steps and to move your lips when you spent three minutes trying to hold in your gut. Note to Britney: fat people don’t walk around in their bra and panties. Yeah you could have pull that look off thirty pounds ago but you now either need to put some clothes on or work in a thousand sit ups a day.
- MTV seriously dropped the ball with the opening. They usher out a train wreck that hasn’t been musically relevant for half a decade for an embarrassing performance when they should have convinced Vanessa Hudgens open the show asking the crowd, “heard any good jokes lately?” (Thanks to everyone who pointed out why people she all the sudden became the most popular search to the 9th Green). Everyone would have talked around the watercooler today how great the opening was instead of how horrible it was. Well actually most of the watercooler talk today was, “wait, the VMA’s were last night?”
- Apparently MTV had a contingency plan in case the Brittney performance died like it did with Sarah Silverman coming out to make fun of her. Granted the best line was, “that’s not nice calling Madonna a python” as well as her backhanded comments to Paris Hilton who once again tried to look upset before breaking out laughing.
- Rihanna wins the Monster Single of the Year as well as the monster cleavage of the year award.
- Jennifer Hundson (as Alicia Keys calls her) comes out to give the most worthless award of the night, the quadruple threat award. Since when is having a clothing line a threat?
- Holy Pat Smear sighting!
- Kanye West and 50 Cent come out to hype their release date. I have said this before and I will say it again, for the love of hip-hop be sure to pick up Graduation this week so 50 retires for coming in second. Anyone find it interesting that no one even mentions Kenny Chesney who has a legitimate chance to outsell either of the rappers. Don’t underestimate the buying power of hillbillies. But any ways. Be sure to look out for my Kanye review tomorrow and 50 on Wednesday.
- Forty-five minutes into the award show and we get our first full performance by Chris Brown who did a much better job lip-syncing that Britney. But that really say much about it. But is does say something that Rihanna stole the show from him.
- Justin Timberlake’s music sucks massively and acts like a complete tool ninety-five percent of the time but I like his blast at MTV and their reality programming while accepting an award from The Hills (but I’d like to state for the record that I would definitely stand underneath the brunette’s umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh). But then lost points when saying that The Simpsons were part of MTV’s reality programming.
- Seriously, Cee-Lo singing Prince while being backed by the Foo Fighters only gets thirty seconds of airtime?
- I must take this time to apologize to CBS for creating the most appalling reality show ever with Kids Nation. I didn’t realize MTV would counter with A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila (whoever that is), your token Bachelor rip-off but with sixteen lesbians and straight dudes. But there is something to say that both channels are owned by the same company (keep in mind this is also the same company that axed Veronica Mars).
- Are we really supposed to believe Shia LeBeouf didn’t really have express written consent to reveal the new Indiana Jones title (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). That is just insulting our intelligence.
- Who keeps inviting Pamela Anderson to these things? She and Carmen Electra should be well into their begging to get on the Surreal Life point in their life but somehow they still get on big name events. What’s worst is supposedly she is the reason for the most interesting thing that happened all night (Kid Rock sucker punching Tommy Lee) and MTV didn’t even bother to air it.
- Speaking of overrated chicks, Megan Fox may be one of the few people that rival Anderson in that category. She announces Timbaland who does some weird thing before tossing it to Linkin Park. What was that? Why even bother? Why not just have Fox toss to Linkin Park. Timbaland is just completely worthless.
- During the pre-show Rihanna mentioned she was going to rock out tonight and I thought maybe she would be backed by New Order (Shut Up and Drive samples Blue Monday), but now it is just Fall Out Boy who just took home Best Group. Yawn.
- Alicia Keys adds some class to program even if she was wearing that looked like Olivia Newton-John combined her wardrobe from the final scene from Grease and the Physical video. The new song was decent, but I’m not sure where I come down on Freedom ’90. I was hoping that maybe she would bring out George Michaels but alas no.
- Jamie Foxx comes out to show everyone how much he has had to drink while in Vegas then shuts ups just long enough for Jennifer Garner announce the Best New Award as Gym Class Fallout. Yeah, that seems just about right.
- MTV then rolls out a week old joke that really wasn’t that funny a week ago in the Miss Teen South Carolina who flubs while pretending to flubs. Nice. At least she gave the Wu-Tang Clan a shout out.
- The big surprise guest of the night is Dr. Dre (who is disturbingly showing his age). No he didn’t perform or even receive a Lifetime Achievement Award or anything interesting, no he is just relegated to handing out Video of the Year to Rihanna.
- The show ends with Nelly Furtado, Timberlake and Timbaland each performing a verse from their latest song before getting together as the song they did together start only for the track to stop so abruptly that Timbaland had to inform everyone five seconds later that that’s the end of the show. How apropos of an end.
- I’m really getting too old for this (expletive deleted).
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
Whenever Kanye West drops a new video and this is no exception as Stronger even debut at a film festival. And this is by far the most expensive video to date. But more expensive doesn’t quite equate to better as this probably cost more than all three Jesus Walk videos combined and all three were better than this. But this video does have Cassie who shows that she is a much better video hofessional than singer. As for the song, of the two songs that sample indie acts, this is the stronger (bad pun intended) song but what is up with the OJ shout out and I don’t even care for the white Kate Moss why would someone want the black one?
Okay, so certainly we could have all done without the intro to the video, but for my money, this is the best song on the debut album from Lily Allen. Plus it is also the best video of the four that have been released. I love the juxtaposition of Lily’s fantasy world and the real world. And the song has finally been released as a singe here stateside so be sure to request it at your local radio station.
And that isn’t the only Lily allen sighting as she also shows up in this Mark Ronson video. Well or at least an animated version. For those who have never heard of Ronson, he is responcible for two of the best albums of the first half of this year producing Lily’s album as well as the American debut from Amy Winehouse.
After three album this may be the first time I have ever seen Rihanna show anything that closely resembles a personally. She may not be a Fembot as I originally suspected. But the best part of the video is nowhere does she repeat “ella-ella-eh-eh-eh” over and over again. Add a New Order sample and I call that an upgrade.
