We have had a very long stretch of competitive football games for the past decade and a half and though the game was withing ten points for most of the game that was extremely unwatchable. Basically the theme of the night were people embarrassing themselves. Sure Peyton Manning goes out with a ring straight into the Hall of Fame but what a poor performance to cap off an embarrassing season. Then there was the other quarterback Cam Newton who was supposed to be the new face of football who was just as bad. There was a graphic late in the game which said the teams were a combined 5-22 on third down followed by Caroline failing to convert again leading to a field goal. It was at that point where I decided to flip over to Mercy Street. Really I should have just flipped over to Pitch Perfect after the halftime show.
And the offensive players were not the only ones embarrassing themselves, many screen legends tarnished their legacies: Willen Defoe in a dress, Christopher Walkin with a sock puppet, NFL legends acting opposite toe fungus, and Anthony Hopkins selling... I do not remember what he was selling so that was just a big waste of five million (seriously!) dollars. And you did not need celebrities to wast that much money, I am looking at you MonkeyBabyDog and kids singing about their parents having sex. There were a couple ads that did not suck massively, Helen Mirren shaming drunk drivers, hot dog dogs racing, and the bank robbers who stole a Prius come to mind, but none were really that great.
They did not embarrass themselves but the Coldplay halftime show will go down as one of the least memorable. Let me nitpick the set list, the problem with Coldplay is that their best songs are sad bastard song, which you want to steer clear of in the Super Bowl. So instead we get Vida la Vida, fine, whatever, but Paradise? A song off their new album that no one cares about? Where was Clocks? That should have been high on the list of songs they should have performed. Or maybe Polatik too. Then throw in a Beyoncé song no one had heard before and a Mark Ronson song people have heard too many times. Actually why did they not have Mark Ronson curate the halftime show instead? He could have brought in Bruno Mars, Mystikal, Lily Allen, Ghostface Killah, and Q-Tip. Just no Amy Winehouse hologram.
The biggest commercial buzz in recent years have been blockbuster movie trailers but this year was a mixed bag with half being superhero movies. A movie with Olivia Munn and the third best Stark kid should get me excited but I just cannot get worked up for another X-Men movie. The Team Cap vs. Team Iron Man should make Civil War more interesting than Age of Ultron but really no chills while watching the trailer. The Turkish Airlines ads masquerading as a Superman v. Batman trailer just made me a big queasy (so who put up the five million, or I guess ten for the two spot: Warner Brother or Turkish Airline; did they split the cost?). I may go on a superhero moratorium after Suicide Squad. Unless of course Black Manta shows up in Aquaman. The non-comic book movies were not much more interesting, Another Bourne? pass. Independence Day 2 fifteen years too late? Meh. Another live active version of a Disney cartoon? Why? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bastardizing Beastie Boys? Eww. Really the only trailer I enjoyed came during The Late Late Show when they premiered Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. A dumb comedy that reunites Stacey Pilgrim and Julie Powers? Yes please.